A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I show the man that I love that I have changed? I went through a lot of traumatic experiences in a short amount of time and it put a lot of stress on the relationship. I left him multiple times until I finally did for good. I never cheated on him but that isn't the issue. He is afraid that he is going to invest in me again and I am going to hurt him. I try to understand where he is coming from and feel I do a pretty good job. I know that this takes time. Sometimes it feels like an uphill battle. Sometimes I get frustrated and lash out. I quickly try to have empathy. I am in this for as long as it takes - even if it is a lifetime. But what can I do to make him believe that I am not going to hurt him? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Trust is the most important part of a relationship. Ofcourse love comes first, commuication, understanding etc. Though I do believe and u urself know that he has reason to be the way he is, it is hard to handle. Hurt is a very hard thing to get over in it's self especially when it comes to trust. In a way u have to pay ur *dues* in this I don't mean u have to suffer. I mean u have to put ur feelings aside *for now* and tend to his feelings and issues. The most u can do is as u say, prove urself to him.Don't let urself get lost in ur emotions and lash out. Remember he does have the right to feel as he does, but it doesn't mean you have to let him take advantage of this. Talk with him and ask him if he is willing to go to concelling. This will give u both a change to exchange thoughts of what u r both feeling and will also give u a change to get help. You can ask/talk about things that r upsetting/bothering u also.It is a safe way to let ur feelings out, and also get help at the same time. The best thing u can do if u go is to be honest with urself and him in the sessions so that the counselor can give u the right help/advice u need.....I wish u both the best of luck, and hope this info helps. Think of the end results.
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