A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with someone for about eight years. The last two years we've been on rough waters. We've talked to try to work things out several times, and nothing ever changes. I've decided it's time to part our separate ways, but he always wants to work things out. How do I make it clear to him that we've tried and nothing changes? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (22 May 2007):
 I know that you may not want to leave your new house, but sometimes that's the only way. If you can, sell it for a little more, and find something different. The only way that you're going to get through to him a this point are actions.
DV1
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhenever I try to tell him the way I feel, it seems as though he guilt trips me. I've thought about leaving, but I just bought this house.
I've already made up my mind that I don't want to be with him, and I understand that there is no easy way to do it. I just don't know how to say "I love you, but I'm not in love with you. We need to part our ways so I can find out what I want." We've been together since I was sixteen, and I told him I want space. I told him I didn't want to get married, what he wants, and he still doesn't get it. I confused.
...............................
A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 The problem here is that your timing is different.
For you this relationship already began to decline.
For him it is running the second stage - stabilization, as you say "he always wants to work things out".
Advice to: "I've decided it's time to part our separate ways".
When talking to him speak about what you decided and how YOU "tried and nothing changes", don't say "we".
Probably you will have such conversations about a dozen times, if it still doesn't help - move out yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, Mumble  +, writes (21 May 2007):
I've been in exactly the same situation recently but in the end you know your own heart and mind. If it hasn't worked out by now, it probably never will. It will be hard to let go after the time you've spent together but everything happens for a reason and you will be ok. Go with your gut feeling is what people said to me. You're probably too nice a person to want to upset him (as I was) but life's too short to not be happy. Good Luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 May 2007):
All you can do is tell him. Make your concerns known. If you can convince him to make the breakup a mutual thing, then you'll spare a lot of ill-feelings toward each other, not to mention hold onto a possible friendship.
DV1
...............................
|
