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How do I learn to relax? My boyfriend says I need to relax.

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Question - (20 July 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 22 July 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, *ixieGwen writes:

Recently my bf and i had definite plans to hang out the following day. I asked if we were still on and he said he had to go look at cars etc but would call me when hes done - see how he feels/if i want to hang out (hes in the process of tryin to find a car/place - he lives far and is tryin to move closer). He never called - so I figured he was exhausted. Saw him online at 2am and we chatted.. he never said sorry for not calling - I brought it up but in a nice manner and I guess overall he wishes i would relax.

He says that i trip sometimes and doesnt understand why and that i dont need to trip about anything. Apparently im supposed to be fine w/ the fact he was busy that day and was unable to call me. I guess it bothered me cos i considered it to be "maybe plans" otherwise him not calling wouldnt have bothered me.I expect if someone makes semi plans/plans or says theyre gonna do something.. that they do it and if they cant make it etc.. then say so. I know i do need to relax more.. but i dont know how to.. i consider myself to be a chill person already. If i bring up somethin about someone flaking on plans or whatever.. i dont do it in a mean way - its always casual and im never sarcastic, rude or passive aggressive. I think he also assumes i take things the wrong way when i really dont. I told him its because we're still gettin to know each other. I also feel if i just let all things go.. that im being walked on. maybe im wrong.. Help!

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A female reader, PixieGwen United States +, writes (22 July 2010):

PixieGwen is verified as being by the original poster of the question

PixieGwen agony auntHes never flaked before.. there have been times where he said he'd call me back and he doesnt.. - which apparently i was told by friend that its okay if he doesnt call me all the time and to not worry about it. sometimes he apologizes for it and sometimes he doesnt.

We have plans tomorrow and if he decides to cancel/flake - i def will say something.

I've gotten used to seeing/talking to him daily & when i dont.. i panic (i dont panic as much as before).If we wouldve talked/seen each other less from the beginning.. i wouldnt be worrying as much.its good hes tryin to get his shit together..hopefully im not put as a last priority or left behind.

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A female reader, SarahRussell United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2010):

SarahRussell agony auntCorr you need to tell this boy straight! It sounds like he's playing you for a fool!

I was once with a boy that was simulair to your boyfriend. He would make me feel bad, if I asked why he didnt call, so please dont let you make my mistakes!

By the sounds of it, theres no need for you to relax! By saying you asked in a chilled manner (which is better than what most of us girls do),you played it fair and he threw it back in your face! Dont let him play you around. He knows hes done wrong, yet he doesnt want to admit it. Try to let him know how you feel, if he does turn around and say relax, then say no, i am relaxed, i dont see that theres any harm in asking why you didnt ring.

Let him know that if wouldnt be nice if you made plans with him, then failed to ring, and that you dont like waiting around for something thats not going to happen.

Good luck!

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