A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:how do i know my boyfriend is completely over his ex? he left her cause she crazy, jealous as hell ect and he could'nt live with that anymore but he did really love her very much, they broke up over a year and a half ago. we have been together 8 months and since day one this has been an issue. she wont leave him alone contacting him permanently and he has been totally honest with me about every sms ect, but he has tried to make stop, he ignored her, his been unkind, he's asked nicely with no luck. he replies thou when she tells him that she is having a hard time with whatever, he says he just wants her to be happy and because he knows how unstable she is he wants to help. i cant take it any longer, she is a constant reminder to the the life they had before. how do i know for sure he is over her? he has told me he really is and that he loves me very much and dont want to be with her. and do you have any advise on how to make her stop her psycho habits please
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): This must be difficult and frustrating for you. From what you have said, I get the impression that your boyfriend is really over his ex, and that he just wants to be with you. With his ex constantly in the picture, I can understand doubts may creep into your mind though. But it sounds like he is being honest with you.
I think your boyfriend needs to try and completely ignore his ex. It sounds like he manages to do that up to a point. But when she contacts him to say she is going through a hard time, he feels sorry for her and talks to her, trying to help. I think this is making the situation worse, and making it drag out longer than it should. It is sad if his ex is going through difficult times. But she should not be his priority now - you should be. Your feelings should come first, not hers. If he keeps giving in and feeling sorry for her, this situation will never end, as she will not get the message to leave you both alone.
I think you should try and have a serious talk with your boyfriend about this, and tell him that he needs to resist any feelings to talk to her. It might be hard, but he needs to stay firm and ignore her. I think it is the only way she will get fed up and leave you both in peace. I'm sure she has other people in her life, friends and family, who she can go to is she feels down. She shouldn't be going to her ex.
That's my suggestion anyway. That you tell your boyfriend that his ex will only get the message if he ignores her. And then you two need to try and concentrate on each other as best as you can, and work on building up trust. I hope things start to improve for you.
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