A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A few month ago, my commitment phobe boyfriend ended up relationship suddenly after he started to mention about marriage.of course I am hurt how did he do. As usual as a commitment phobe, he couldn't end the relationship either couldn't stay with me.I think I did the best way, said to him "Do not call me anymoere" didnt fight back, didnt shout. I suffed enough with his distuctive boundaries. Couldn't see any benefit to fight with him at this moment.Well....He sent me a letter to blame me about my past terrible rape victim trauma which I confessed with full trust to him few month ago. I know how is commitment phobe! He just wanted to use my "trauma" as fault finding to escape from the relationship. Seems he even didnt realize it hurt me! That still make me suffer, hurt and emotionally explode...I am suffering flash back everyday.honestly sometimes it is difficult to against to the temptetion to call him to fight.I know how much it is stupid to tell him how much I was hurt. Can you kindly advice how to ignoe this awful temptation to call him? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear SeeingStars
Thank you.
I was really shocked his suddden changes. I was wondering where is kind, sincere, caring him... I can never forget the moment I recieved the letter to blame me.
Doctor gave me anti-anxiety pill, but still doesn't work sometimes. Perhaps I need some more mental healing work.
The doctor told me, he had to find my fault to escape from the relationship pressure.
When he called me last time, he said he cannot forget me, he wants to stay and have connection as "person". Despite I told him it should be finished, I cannot accept.
I think writing unsent letter is a good idea. I'll do.
I feel still I didn't finish anything with him, I don't know why still I feel he is behind on me....that makes me fear.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I am sorry for what you are going through. I think you did the right thing in asking him not to call you anymore, he sounds like a heartless man.
I am so sorry for the rape you experienced. You were most definitely NOT to blame for that, so don't allow this man to make you think otherwise. Would it be possible for you to get some help for what you experienced? Could you see a doctor, and tell them you are struggling with flashbacks? It sounds like you could do with some support through this.
As for wanting to contact this man to tell him how hurt you are, it is not stupid at all. However, I don't think it would really do any good, as he does not sound like a caring person at all. It could just be even more upsetting for you. What works for me is to write things down. So maybe you could write a letter to him, and write down how hurt you are. But don't send it to him. Just write it as a way of getting your feelings out. Or you could type it if you prefer to use a computer. Keep doing that as often as you need, until you feel you have "said" what you wanted to say. That is just one suggestion, it helps me, so maybe it could help you too.
Once again, please don't allow this man to drag you down. I think you are better off without his influence in your life. You need to be cared for and supported right now, not insulted and hurt like that. Look after yourself.
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