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How can I stop supporting my sister's family?

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Question - (14 October 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 16 October 2010)
A female South Africa age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hey guys this wil be long but i need help.i hate my big sis and when she comes to visit its like i want to die.shes 33 and has 3 kids.2 are staying with me and mom.i buy food and suport the family while shes staying at my grams waiting for welfare.i hate that she doesnt want to work.she doesnt work and mom doesnt tel her a thing.i support her kids and i have my own newborn.im 22 by the way.i want to move out so that i wont support such a big family.im tired.when i complain mom says im a bad person.my days are horrible.help plz

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A female reader, vamp-gal United Kingdom +, writes (16 October 2010):

vamp-gal agony auntYour sister is old enough to look after her own family and get a job to support them.

Your mother, I really don't know what to say, I don't know whether she's trying to defend her daughter or what.

They're obviously not listening to you, you yourself have a newborn baby who you need to take care of and provide for.

If talking and nothing else works then I agree you should leave however, don't cut them out of your life completely, at least not your sisters kids, you haven't said anything about them so I assume they're good kids who just haven't had their mothers support.

Your mum may say your a bad person, but really you're a saint putting up with this for so long. It's not right that the responsibility should fall to you. It was your sister who got pregnant, whether she meant to or not is irrelevent, they're her children and she should have made sure that she could provide from them all before she had them.

Hope this helps x

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A male reader, Ricemonster Canada +, writes (14 October 2010):

Ricemonster agony auntYup totally agree with Tennisstar88. Since reasoning with your family isn't working, take the other step and get out of there. They may continue to hate you for it, but this is something you can't control.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

im trying to look for a place of my own.every time i tell mom im moving out she ask me who will stay in the house blah blah and i told her im tired of supporting my sister's kids and i turn out to be the bad person.she'd tell me i hate my family etc..God i appreciate your advice.im going to leave soon.tnx 4 the advice.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (14 October 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntTalk about a lazy welfare sister...not only is the state supporting her but you and your family as well! Your sister is a grown woman, when she made a choice to have 3 kids, or maybe it was accident or maybe to collect a check if she hasn't worked a day in her life...she needs to woman up and take responsibility for her actions. Put your foot down and tell your mother that your sister is fully capable of supporting herself and her children if not then she needs to start searching the help wanted ads. That you have your own baby and own life to start, that you cannot be supporting kids that aren't yours. Let her know that your sister is the bad, lazy person using you, your mother, and grandmother by making all of you support her when she doesn't lift a finger. Refuse to buy food and anything else for her, let her do that with her welfare checks.

Lastly, I would be saving money to get the hell out of there.

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