A
female
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*ush123
writes:My ex boyfriend called me a week ago asking if he could come out and see me to tslk to me. I wondered why he wanted to do this as he had already made it clear he didn't want to be with me. I didn't get my hopes up that he was going to try to get back with me to avoid getting hurt all over again.We met up and he talked about the things that went wrong when we were together two months ago. I appreiated him being honest with me because he never really told me before why he split up with me, but I don't understand why he waited six weeks and then suddenly felt he had to tell me! I had already accepted he didn't want to be with me!Before he left that night, he asked me what was going to happen with us now he had told me all this. I didn't know what to say as he was the one that dumped me! I didn't want to tell him e was going to take me back!I told him it was up to him. He went away and we spoke on the phone two days later. We were getting on really well as friends. We met up the next day and he said he didn't think it was going to work out and that a relationship was not high priority for him at the moment. I don't understand why he tried to get my hopes up and then just tell me what he had already told me two months ago!We met up again two days later as he offered to help one of my friends sort out his computer. I had been out all day and did not get my friend's message to say my ex couldn't go round as my friend was not going to be home. My ex came to my house and I had to explain what had happened. He didn't beieve me even though I was telling the truth! He thought I'd got him to come to my place to change his mind about us! I understand how he thought that (I offered to buy him a drink to make up for him coming all the way to mine for 'nothing'-big mistake!) but it has upset me because I was being honest with him and now he won't talk to me because he thinks I'm trying to get him back - I'm not, but we both know (and I will admit) I still like him. We both want to be mates but after what happened with my friend, I'm not sure my ex is ever going to talk to me again! I did explain to him what happened - he text me when he got back home and tried to make out that I'd forgotten little details and that I'd lied all along just to see him again!How can I make him see that I was telling the truth and that I do want to be mates? We were getting on really well as mates. He always had a go at me for soemthing when we were together and this was one of the reasons he didn't want ot be with me (he said he didn't like being so horrible to me and didn't want to hurt me) but he still does it now and we aren't going out anymore!How can I show him I just want to be mates and that I can be mates even though I still like him a little bit? I don't want to be constantly apologising to him for what happened with my friend and make myself look desperate! I just want us to be able to get along as I get along with all my exs (not that i've got loads or anything!). It's my birthday soon (three weeks) and he had already said he wiuld come. Would it be a good idea to still send an invitation and see what happens?
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female
reader, lush123 +, writes (27 January 2006):
lush123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have now spoken to my exboyfriend (phoned him a few days ago). He seemed okay on the phone. I guess he had realised he was wrong to have a go at me about my friend and didn't talk to me because he knew he was wrong and didn't want to admit it? We talked about my birthday and he said he "should be able to come." I said I would phone him to let him know the details (if I send him an email he might pretend he didn't get it!). He seemed okay about this. I do still really like him and he even told me to "never say never" about us never getting back together. I'm not gonna wait for him! He says he still likes me too and wishes things could have been easier between us before. He split with me because of work stuff (but we had our problems too). He said it could work out when he's sorted out the thing with work (he's been offered a new job). I'm really pleased for him. I don't want to seem desperate but if he says he still likes me, could it work between us and how can I make him realise this without looking desperate? And could I use my birthday as a starting point for doing this? We were going really well but he said he didn't wana hurt me because he was getting so worked up about work problems (I always thought he'd cheated or something cos all the signs were there! But he never said he had. I did ask him if this was the real reason but he said no). Also, when I spoke to him on the phone, I said "the others have said they could get out here (the local pub) about 7.30pm". He sounded a bit surprised about this and seemed very curious about who else had been invited. I told him that most of them were work mates. He doesn't know any of my mates! Why did he act like this when I said about "the others." Surely he didn't think he was the only one that had been invited?!Please help. I would like to be mates with him if it really isn't going to work out but I also want to know how to get him to realise it could work if it can without looking desperate. And ways to do this at my birthday? Also, why did he act strange about me saying about the others coming to my birthday?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2006): I think you two should definitely get together and talk about this. Sounds like something that can easily be solved between the two of you. I don't think its very fair the way he is treating you after you invited him over and your friend couldn't end up coming. He shouldn't have taken it so hard and acted so cocky about you "wanting him back." All I would say is be honest. Tell him that you will always be there for him no matter what (especially if you want to end up with him again) and just give him the space he needs. Have a nice long loving conversation. Tell him the truth, tell him you still care very deeply for him and that you don't care that the friend couldn't come that day, you were glad to see him. I think its harsh of him to say that you were just trying to get back with him. (Is he immature???) I don't think it will do you any harm to tell him how you truly feel and throw in a little flirty/playing hard to get. And yes, invite him to your birthday... Happy Birthday by the way! When he gets there give him a hug and say "I'm glad you came" and then walk off and enjoy your friends. Make sure you two don't have a row at your birthday, drink responsibly and have fun with him. Remember - talk, talk, talk... and always tell the truth
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