A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had sex for the first time quite recently. It hurt a lot the first time, but I feel it's getting better. Before having sex I though once I start, I will want to have sex all the time. But I have found out it's not the case. I have a feeling maybe I feel this way because the my first time hurt a lot. Can this be? Does anyone have similar experiance?I have heard from friends that the first couple of months after you start having intercourse for the first time, you want it all the time and you'd have sex like rabbits! In my case, I don't have the urge to. I used to be a very passionate person and used to masturbate quite often. Has having sex lessened my libido? I desperately want ideas on how get back horny feelings I as I used to have earlier. I tried fantasising about erotic stuff, but the moment I start intercourse, all those thoughts are out my head and I'm tensed. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): I'm the one who posted this question. Thank you for your advices. Yes, I think I should stop it for a while and wait. For 'Friend Tom', yes, I had sex with my long time boyfriend who I love a lot. He knew I was a virgin and it was his first time too. He was very gentle with me and I felt sad the first time for not being able to give him a great time cos I was tensed and things didn't go the way we intended. But he didn't complain. We had saved ourselves for each other for all these years. I feel upset because I feel I'm robbing him of his pleasure.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): your not the only one im the same way.. i thought i would enjoy it and even tho it is fun at the time its not as thrilling to me.. mabey its cause my bf wants it 24/7.. but mabey in your case just take some time off from sex.. im sure your feelings will come back soon enough
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): The first experience may have "put you off" a bit. The hymen varies greatly in thickness and extent in women. You may have had a rather thick one. Did your partner know it was your first intercourse? If you did not tell him, he may have been less "gentle" than he otherwise would have been. Wait a while and see if the difficulty has lessened. You have a normal libido, by your own statements, so I don't foresee any real problems. Was this first experience with a "significant other" or just an acquaintance? If the latter, you probably were not really "into" the experience to begin with. For sex to be really enjoyable, a close bond is usually necessary...for both women and men.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (21 January 2009):
 You were quite likely traumatized by your experiences thus far - a natural reaction to something painful. Now, evidently, you are associating sex with pain, which is unfortunate. My suggestion would be to simply abstain for awhile - perhaps a few months. You should not try to force yourself; just let the desires return naturally.
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