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How can I make friends?

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Question - (26 July 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 December 2007)
A male Denmark age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hello.

I have a problem, I'm not the most attractive guy, and I can't get in touch with other people, guy or girl, so I'm getting pretty lonely, I never had a girlfriend because I already had to many failures and disappointments in my life, so I rather not begin a relationship because I know I will get hurt, I'm also a bit shy.

Are there any things I can do to help this.

View related questions: never had a girlfriend, shy

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A female reader, RaeRaeMcGee United States +, writes (10 December 2007):

RaeRaeMcGee agony auntTHis is in answer to the followup...

You can't depend on other people to make a connection with you. I would suggest, because of your age, to find a teen social group at your local church, temple, or even the YMCA or JCC. Another way to meet others is to pick up a hobby. Take a age appropriate class that you would enjoy in the community college ( something like creative writing, whatever your interested in) . Then you can meet others with similar interests. I hope you the best. You need to find out why you are so shy and introverted. This is not a bad thing, but if your looking to meet new friends it will be a hurdle to get over. Perhaps a self-help book or meeting with a gudience counselor or therapist of some sort can help you get to that. GOOD LUCK!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, I don't really try make contact to anybody. If someone look me in the eyes while walking down the street or in a shop or anywhere, I look away.

I'm probably insecure, but I'm also afraid to say something stupid and be the big joke, I know it sounds stupid, but that's what happens, it's not something I do on purpose.

I really want to stop doing those things, but how do I stop?

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A female reader, RaeRaeMcGee United States +, writes (27 July 2007):

RaeRaeMcGee agony auntI just want to say that you sound like someone who is very insecure. The first thing you have to do is learn to like yourself, then other people will begin to start to like you too. I would like to know first how you go about looking to meet other people. What are your interests? You have to open up and get over your initial shyness. For example, if you like music, go to a record store or concert and strike up a conversation about the type of music you listen too.Try to meet people with similar interests so that there is a better chance for a long lasting friendship. I wish I knew more about you. Maybe you can followup and answer the questions I have asked. If you don't all I can suggest is that you begin by working on your insecurity and try to be more outgoing in social situations. Also engage in more social situations. Like going to clubs for young people, and things like that.

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