A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well.. I lost trust in my boyfriend a few months ago, i didnt have belief in what he said, through social events and thing like.. and we broke up.A few months later we spoke about everything and we sorted out alot of things and we got back together :)However occasionallyy now i get a funny feeling about simiar things happeneing again.. being let down ect.However i know he wants to try his best and he reallyy doesn't want to hurt me or let me down :)How can i get rid of these funny little feelings atm whilst we are trying to re build our trust ? thankyou :)
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female
reader, Kelleyte  +, writes (13 May 2010):
I am going through a similar situation. I have been with a man for three years and for the first year and 1/2 he was involved in drugs and hung out with other women. I was nieve and didnt realize what was happening, all I knew is that he would say he was going to the store and wouldnt be back for a couple of days. We ended up going through a DV situtation and had a no contact order between the two of us and after he was in jail for 8 months he told me he had changed completely and that he loved me and would give up everything to have a relationship with me.I went to see him almost every day when he was in jail and I reminded him that all of the other people that were so important to him werent around when he needed them, but I was.I said I forgave him for what he had done in the past and agreed to move forward, however I keep flashing back and lashing out at him for what happened in the past. I will see him start to do something, talk with a woman or stare at another woman which will then cause me to react by pushing him away verbally.In reality I really havent forgiven him and am driving myself nuts trying to protect myself from things that I THINK he is doing, all the while destroying what could be a wonderful realationship. I know that I need to focus on, being at peace with myself and loving myself. I also have to realize that I cant control anyone especially a man and it would be so much easier to just let go and let be than try to make my fears reality, which is what happens when you continue to put energy towards something that at the time could just be a fear. Most times what was only a fear will become a reality if you push hard enough.Love isnt easy, but choose love for yourself and peace. Focus on you and your part in the relationship, be the best you can be for you. If he chooses to do something else that goes against your committment to each other that is his fault, at least you can then look at yourself and be at peace knowing that you did the best YOU could and were true to yourself.Good luck, love is wonderful but is also sometimes the hardest most gut wrenching part of life.Love yourself...Peace to you - Kelley
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 May 2010):
 Try and push them to the back of your mind and give him time to prove to you he is being truthful. If you react immedeately to these "feelings" you will stir up old issues and not be able to move on. You've talked this out right, so the discussion has been had and is over for now. Leave the matter alone for a while and see how things develop. If you still have those feelings and suspicions later into the relationship you may act on them. But for now just try and not act on it, do something else that distracts you if these feelings do come. And make sure that your boyfriend gives you time to adjust as well.
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