A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem and want to remanin anon. My wife and I have been married 9 yrs, and dated for 8 before that. We met in HS. We used to be open and discuss sex and try new things. Recently she has decided she will not perform oral, but wants me to still do it for her. In bed now she usually just lays still and will not touch me. I have tried to get her to discuss things and try new things, thinking maybe she was bored. I have always been curious about golden showers so I suggested it. Now she doesn't even want to look at me. What am I doing wrong? I'm only 37 and am not ready to give up sex, and I think it unfair for her to take oral away, and not even be willing to trim if I am to do it (She used to shave) Any suggestions on how to get her to open up to me and discuss why, and how we can get back on track?
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Based on your follow up it sounds almost like clinical depression to me. A marriage is a partnership, and it doesn't sound to me like that is going on. I'm glad to hear you've been to therapy. That's a great step. Now the major challenge is getting her to go.
I really hope you can find a way.
What you're asking is definitely not out of line.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've asked her to go to counseling with me and she says no. I saw a counselor on my own for awhile and she said to give my wife space and try to talk with her. But when I do my wife tells me nothings wrong, she's just not in the mood. We've ben together for a long time now but I don't thing its wrong of me to want sex more than once every couple of months. I've tried romantic candles, dinner, bring her flowers, I do most of the cooking and cleaning around the house. Am I being wrong to ask for sex more often and to have her take a more active role, and reciprocate favors? Sometimes she makes me feel like I am wrong to ask this. I don't want my marriage to end but if she isn't willing to discuss things and work with me, or tell me what I am doing wrong, I can't spend very long being hurt. anyone know how to get her to open up?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 August 2010):
It sounds like there is something else going on here. Such a drastic change is usually a sign of a problem. For the immediate future, I think you need to forget about sex and look into the root of the problem. Most likely it is something unrelated to this manifestation.
My suggestion would be to seek out marriage councelling. She's unhappy about something. She needs to open up to you about it so that you can take steps to correct the issue.
You shouldn't have to give up sex, and her decision about oral isn't fair. You want an active participant in your sex life, not a limp fish. The only way to change that is to get her heart back into it. In order to do that the only thing I can see helping is open discussion of the root problem, as it is likely not the sex for her.
I hope you can work through this!
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