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anonymous
writes: My mom and dad are good parents but for some reason they won't let me date. I'm 14 and in high school but my mom doesn't trust anybody! A boy can't even call me without getting cussed out by my mom. It's sooo embarrassing.I'm mature for my age and I know how to respect my body. How do I get my parents to realize that I'm not a little girl anymore and that I'm mature enough to date? Reply to this Question
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 May 2005):
 Oddly enough, one of the best ways to show that you're mature enough to be trusted with boys has nothing to do with dating. It's helping out around the house.Sounds perverse, I know, but when your folks see that you've washed the dishes without being asked, that you've started dinner for the family, that you've pegged out a load of laundry, that you ironed somebody else's shirt when you were doing your own, they'll realise in very short order that they've raised a wonderful and responsible young woman who can think about the effects of her actions on other people. And you could do worse than that, in convincing them that you're grown-up enough for boys.It's when they notice what an unusually-pleasant and delightful daughter they have, that you can bring up the topic of dating with them."You see, Mom and Dad, I'm really responsible and careful. And you know that that's just the way I'd behave when I go out with guys. Would you please consider letting me start dating?"You might need to play things very safe for a while until they're sure that you're going to be OK. (Go easy on them; they're still getting used to the idea that you don't want to play with Barbies.) Remember, it's probably that they don't trust YOU, they just want to make sure that you don't get put into a situation that you don't feel comfortable with.So, ask them to set some ground rules for dating, and agree to abide by them. Then, when they see that you're mature and trustworthy, you can ask for restrictions to be lifted. Maybe you start by going out on Saturdays, as long as you're home by 9pm. Later, they might allow Fridays too, and a later curfew. But start small and prove to them that you can handle it.Introduce the boy you want to go out with, too. Make sure that they know his name and where he lives; your folks want to know that he's not some weaselly little beast with only sex on his mind. They're not being outrageous; they just want you safe.Don't give up on your parents. They remember age 14 really well.Have fun, hon.
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reader, Rainee  +, writes (13 May 2005):
 Keep your parents up to date. One reason why they may see you as a little girl is because they've never seen anything else - kids can tend to shut their parents out of their lives after puberty, and when their child mysteriously pops up as an adult, they're bewildered because they were left out of the growing up process. 14 really /is/ young to date. One problem could be the boys calling - do they even know about these guys, really? How would you feel if you had a daughter and some guy you don't know anything about starts calling for her? Know where they're coming from. They were both young once, and know how it was to be where you are, and that's why they're trying to keep you from it (protection, I suppose). Your father would know how it is for boys at that age: Horny. That may not describe each and every boy, but when guys look back on their time, most every one will say they were all just really horny in high school. Your mom would understand your position better, but would be all the more protective if she ever had a bad experience (ranging from a broken heart to rape) Sit down with your parents (both, so they don't try to think you're going behind their back) and have a talk. Tell them that you need to discuss your dating future, and how you feel. Then ask what they want and expect... NO DATING FOR YOU! they might say (yell) but try to compromise with them. Tell them you'll let the know all the important details - who he is, where you're going, when you'll be back (don't even try to mention a time that's really late, that's just begging to be shot down). Suggest group dating, where you and your guy of preference are in a large group, say, go to the movies. This might only work if your parents are already familiar with your friends. Keep trying to talk it out until /something/ is settled - your parents might not be as unreasonable as you think. They might only want you to wait another year or so, or when you can drive. Whatever you do, don't try to start dating in secret. It will only exacerbate the problem when they find out (because parents almost always do).
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