A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I have a bit of "situation" right now with my boyfriend and I have never had a problem like this in my life before. I am not one to get other people involved in my relationship issues but I cannot even tell my family or friends what is happening. I am so confused that I just had to turn to a dating advice site, I guess that is why it is here. Anyway, I have been seeing this guy seriously for two years and been living together for the last seven months. From the get-go our relationship has been different than most. He was fresh out of a broken engagement and wanting to date around but fell in love with me. I let him date around though because I knew it was best for him at the time. About six months in to our relationship I found out that he was into cross-dressing. I had already known he was into BDSM before finding that out. He had gotten into both of these things when he moved here to a city I will not name but say it is very sexually liberal. I am into BDSM too and had friends who were into cross-dressing so it wasn't that big of a thing for me to find out. The problems are that he is highly addicted to meeting people via craigslist, sometimes to just chat with them or get pictures and sometimes to try to meet them. He was doing this before I moved in with him and that was why we broke up for a month last year. He is mostly into wanting to meet transvestites and cross-dressers. He has a fetish for being submissive to these types. Last year when I broke up with him it was because he was trying to meet all types of people including dominant women. (he says he loves for me to be submissive to him even though I am normally domme with people) So, I was very hurt that he wouldn't let me be domme with him and was seeking it out from others. Fast forward and we get back together and he tells me that I am enough for him and just wants to see me. He says that if he wanted to see or play with others it would be for both of us and I would be involved. Then, he starts sending out e-mails again to tons of different trans-girls and telling me about it. However, he went to see one of them two times for BDSM and sex purposes and I had no choice and I was not involved at all. Then, it stopped for awhile and all of the sudden started again, at an alarming rate, but he has told me he is doing it. He tells me that he wants to explore his sexuality and get over his desires and see what his bisexuality is all about, etc. Meanwhile, his friends and family and my friends and family know nothing about this part of our relationship. They all love me and just think we are together and nothing else is going on at all. Well, over the last week I would say he has spent 10 hours looking for people to meet and answered from what I know about a hundred ads. He tells me that he wants for both of us to see these people and also other women which I am okay with doing but I feel like it isn't the case. Yesterday, we have a nice dinner together and great sex and then we are watching Dexter on DVD. I take a nap and he is on his computer across the room from me answering ads. I feel hurt because I feel like it is a direct insult to say that the night we had was not enough. He decided to go out and meet someone last night at 10 at night and doesn't know them at all. He goes to meet them at their house and returns about an hour later to tell me it was a bad situation. I am so upset I just watch Food Network until I wanted to go to bed. He proceeds to stay up until 3 am talking to a different trans-girl he is going to meet soon. He comes to bed telling me I am his baby and he loves me and this isn't about that. Well, I am feeling like it is because he is so obsessed with wanting to be with all of these people I cannot even compare with at all. He went out and tried to have sex with someone after having sex with me just a few hours before. I have no idea what to think, what to do.
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broke up, fell in love, get back together, moved in Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ShiShisAdvice +, writes (30 January 2011):
 OMG-he never fell in love with you. You gave him a free place to stay! WAKE UP! Let him go, who wants a guy on the down low?? Find a real man who will work, protect you from the world, and take out the trash to boot.
Oh and you're right, you are not enough in his eyes. Don't you deserve better?? Life does NOT have to be like this.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2011): You need to try to think what he's thinking. The harsh truth is always a difficult one. Some men look for excitment. Sometimes the sexual part plays a very small part in the desire to answer ads or meet people. Sometimes it's a sense of feeling wanted or achievment, not in all cases, but it's a case of the grass is always greener. Don't blame yourself. Some people always keep looking, but never find it.
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