A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a really good man since about November. I had decided I was ready for a "real" boyfriend and he is definitely a good on paper guy - trustworthy, super smart and sweet. I get the feeling he is more into it than I am, but after some serious heartbreak in my past, I prefer it this way. Problem is that he wants to hang out all the time and I'm feeling smothered. I'm an independent person with a really busy schedule, and I need some alone time. His constant availability and need to spend time together is really turning me off and I'm feeling less and less attracted to him. I know that if he dumped me tomorrow, I'd be crying my eyes out, but right now I feel like I want to take a break.How can I ask him to back off without hurting his feelings and destroying the relationship???Thanks for your help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): You have feelings too! If this man is 'trustworthy, super smart and sweet' then he will not mind if you tell him the truth and will respect you for it. I would always be wary of anyone who wanted to spend all of his or her time with me. Think about it, why does he want to spend all of his time with you? Don't you really want a guy to be independent and not smother you? Don't you really want the guy you are with to have his own friends and social life as well as being with you? You have only known him since November and if you are not careful you will become dependant on him as you will do everything with him and you will begin to feel that you can't do anything without him! I know it can be flattering when someone seems so obsessed with you - but actually it isn't. Keep your independence in any male/female relationship you form until you are very sure he is going to be your significant other and even then you should both have your own interests, special friends and time alone.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009): i have posted a similar question after you ...its my girlfriend in my case from whom i need some space and feel to back off from such a caring sweetheart :( .....i guess you may drop some hints through your friends or talk to him personally ....no excuses or avoidance !! it will make him wonder whats wrong and is gonna hurt his sentiments ..talk to him and he will understand ...remember you wont always get such people and they are very precious in your life .....all the best
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