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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. He's a really good guy, we are great together and i love him dearly, but lately we've been fighting quite a bit. He has a 2 1/2 year old son who i've also grown to love, but lately he's been a bit of a handful. Maybe it's just the age, but he just doesn't seem to want me around any more. He's started to see me as a threat like i'm trying to steal his dad away. He yells and screams if his dad is paying any sort of attention to me and he's really resentful towards me. I know he's only little, and he doesn't really understand what he's doing, he just wants to be with his dad, but it still upsets me. I make sure i give them plenty of father son time, I try to ignore it and play with him etc when i'm there, but it just goes on and on and i'm at the point where i don't want to be around when his son is there any more, and i don't want things to be like that. It's now causing conflict between my boyfriend and i because it's really making me unhappy and my unhappiness is starting to show more and more even when we're alone together. It's really hard on him too. He thinks he can't give me what i need and want. I must admit, before him, i've never really been around kids. How to play with them, talk to them etc, really doesn't come naturally to me and i've had to work really hard when i'm with them both. It was ok at the beginning but now he's developed this resentment for me it's like it's all come undone. I will admit that i'm finding it very very hard with not only dealing with him, but also learning to share my boyfriend, I know his son will always come first and i wouldn't ask for anything different but that doesn't mean it's not difficult. When it comes to his son, i never demand extra time, but coping with the very little time we do have left over to be together is hard as he's busy with his sports and hobbies too. We've discussed all of that, but he needs to have his him time to do the other things that he wants, and with that and his son, it doesn't leave much for him and I. I want nothing more than to be with my him, i really want to make this relationship work. Does anyone have any advice on how I might be able to get over my selfishness? and maybe any tips on how i might be able to get along better with his son? I'd love to hear from any of you who have been in similar situations. Please help.ThanksThe Wicked Witch of the West Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2005): YOur boyfriend has to deal with his son's rude behavior. If he doesn't it tells you something about how much he values your relationship, doesn't it? It is not unusual for children to resent new people in either parent's lives. They grow out of this, but can hurt people alot in the meanwhile. Don't take it out on the kid. understand his son will always come before you to your bf. This is why being a step parent requires the patience of JOBE, and the wisdom of Solomon. Unless his son changes his attitude towards you, I am afraid that this relationship won't go any further for you or your bf.
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