A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok,i know sex isnt everything, but ive been dating a guy for 6months now, and we felt ready last night to take it that step further,the only problem is, he is rubbish in bed, but im awful aswel ha ha.obviously we were both comfortable to admit it with each other , but seriously, what can we do to make it better?i know trying different positions helps, but neither i or him know what rythem is?!any suggestions please ? thanks in advance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Sorry, it's me again. Don't think about shopping lists and never, ever fake it with sex. Once you get your pleasure, he will start to get excited and he will want to move, when that happens, stop moving and just follow the ride, allow him to find pleasure and you should find pleasure as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): PS: You can also try moving like a belly dancer, just think of moving sexy like them. Try moving in a figure of eight. Imagine the number eight and then try to trace the image with your body.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Sorry honeypie,
I understand exactly what you mean, and I think it is clear that you are both at fault and as the older, wiser partner, your the one who gets the advice to make your sex life better. Well good for you.
There is no reason for both of you to move. Why don't you try getting on top and you ride him like your riding a horse whilst he stays still. Don't think about his pleasure or pleasing him. I know it sounds selfish but it isn't really. It is difficult to concentrate on pleasing him and pleasing yourself as well. So concentrate on your pleasure and let him concentrate on his. If you are doing the missionary position with you on your back, again, you stay still and allow him to move. Totally concentrate on your own experience and what feels good for you. If he's moving to slow tell him, if you want him to go faster, tell him. Don't try to move, it's not a performance activity, and though people talk about giving and sharing, it is really and individual thing. Think about what movements suits you best when he is moving and you are still, and when you change places, then he must do the same.
You can also put on some sexy music.. something that you can move to. Choose carefully, soul music, marvin gaye, something like that always works for me. Then just move like your dancing, follow the rhythm of the song.
I hope these techniques will help you both. Please try them out and then update your post and tell us how you got on. Don't worry babes, I understood you, and I know your not being rude or insensetive about your guy. You are a couple, and as a couple, if one has a problem then it's a problem for both of you, but in this case, unfortuantely you are both crap in bed... lol... Have fun, and come back anf tell us if it works. Blessings and good luck.
PS: If you use the doggy position. You can move first, and try to find pleasure whilst he stays still, and then it's his turn...
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni actuallt dont see what was so inexcusably insensitive? i said that we were BOTH rubbish in bed ?
i didnt do a direct jib at him ?
i did it at both of us, and when i said each time i think of it i laugh, so does he , we both do together.
if i did come across as insensitive, like i said , i wouldnt do that face to face with any one, not evben to a friend , id word it alot differently,but also they know me on a more personal level so they would understand it a million times easier ,...
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim unsure as to wether or not it was his first time,i was thinking that myself that it may have been. though thankfully, i didnt get it in the belly button hah a ...
i didnt mean to come across as insensitve?im just telling it like it is, if i were to talk face to face about this, id do it a bit differently, but i probs wouldnt get my point across.................
i know he isnt a stud,an i know some have it some dont, but its the whole learning to have it -together thats the frustrating bit,as i cant teach him , and he cant teach me , though the trying is funny.....
iv not given him a reason to feel 1 foot tall,
or given him any unmeetable demands,nor done anything to belittle him........
all i have done is simply ask on here how to make things work together , i know sex isnt everything, that i wrote on my orig question,
but if we do have sex and one of us walks away unsatisified, and the other picks up on it (it could work either way)
then there will be a feeling of not being able to meet demands etc, and incompetance.....
im as reassuring as i can be that he isnt all bad, but not faking it either, so we dont get stuck in a cycle of him thinking hes making me climb the walls with pleasure, but really im thinking about the shopping list (not that i do that, just something i saw on tv)
but as i also said,im awful aswel....so its realy hard to get a good comprimise if we both suck ?!
like i said,neither of us has any rythem at all, we tried a position, and we were both so outta sync, it was unbeliveable!?
Sex isn't everything. When you have a loving, caring relationship, then sex is icing on the cake.
Vote to remove unhelpful or hurtful answer
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncupid guy, im unsure if ur answer was written before my reply was verified ?!
but as i said , iv never had this problem, iv always found the first time with a new partner, 9/10 times, to be the best , normally better than what ever follows as its been built up by all the waiting and excitement,
unless its down to real feelings an emotions getting in the way and its causing us to feel more nervous thus affecting the sex ?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know the first time with a new partner is sometimes arkward, but my god, this was ....all i can do is laugh when i think about it, but iv never had this problem before, any other partner has kind of compensated for my lacking,and as im 4 years older than him, (an im guessing more experienced)it kinda feels asthough i should be kinda teaching him, if that makes sense, though one can not teach what one can not do ones self?!i know it isnt going to affect the relationship we have , as i said , we were both comfortable to laugh about it , but when theres two of you with no clue what goes where(ok maybe not that bad) i can see it getting very frustrating |?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): The first time you have sex with a new partner is nearly always something of a disappointment, if not a disaster. Over time you'll get in tune with each other and be able to press all the right buttons.
It's a bit like when you get a newer car. All the controls are different apart from the pedals and steering wheel! Sooner or later you'll both be great for each other once you've worked out where all the controls are and how to use them. The main thing is to enjoy the ride in the meantime!
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male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (7 August 2008):
 I think it is something that people perfect over time, i guess it a case of trial and error. Ok so he is not great in bed, give it time, adopt some new positions and make it fun. Its all about being comfortable with each other, being relaxed.
x
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