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anonymous
writes: I've known this guy for a couple of months or so and we've gradually become really good friends. The other night our relationship turned into a little bit more and we ended up rolling around in bed and smooching. I must admit, I felt a little uncomfortable at the time, but since that night I've had tingles down my spine whenever I thought about him and I seem to smile too. Since then we've barely spoken, obviously things have been a little strange as we seemed pretty close. I asked him what's going to happen next and he said he liked me but he's not sure what we should do. He's a good few years older than me, and he'd have to wait for me before any kind of sexual relationship occurs, so unless these are the barriers I can't think what else could be a problem. Please help.XxX Oli xXx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2005): Stay frriends
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 March 2005):
 It sounds as if your older friend had a sudden realisation that he was skating on thin ice by rolling around, kissing you.You don't say how old either of you is, but you infer that you're not of legal age, while he is. From your reluctance to mention it, I would guess that the age difference is significant.I strongly suspect that what happened was, your older male friend noticed that he was becoming sexually attracted to a young woman of his acquaintence (you), made a bad moral choice in making a pass at her, and almost let things get out of hand. I doubt if the thought uppermost in his mind at the time was that he should "wait" for you, sex-wise.I also suspect that he feels extremely guilty that he - you can take this as read - wanted to have sex with you, right then and there, regardless of the fact of the age difference and whether you're underage. He probably doesn't quite know how to get that particular genie back into the bottle, and that's why he seems stilted right now.You can be confident that he does still like you and your secret pleasure at the memory is perfectly normal, but I would still counsel you stay away from him. Give him a wide berth, and don't allow him to see you without other people around. Don't give in to the old "let's be friends and see what happens" ploy, which almost certainly translates as "We'll be friends until I give in to my needs and pressure you to have sex with me". Give him a lot of room in future, because he's doing what he has to do, which is keep away from temptation. It's flattering that you have the attention of a mature man, sure, but the sad fact is, this is a short-term situation. He wants you because you're young and virginal and forbidden. Although I'm sure that you're a clever and intelligent young woman and worth anyone's time and interest, it's doubtful that your older friend is looking at you as girlfriend material, and he deserves credit for trying to keep his hands to himself. Don't give him any more reasons to be tempted, unless you're going to be happy with a quick sexual experience that ultimately leads nowhere.
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