A
female
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anonymous
writes:I thought my relationship was a great one until while my boyfriend was working on a ship found a Hungarian woman to be unfaithful with. Thing is he has made his decision to leave me for her but I can't seem to let go of my love for him. THe day we broke up we both cried out hearts out and held on to each other in my back yard. What is the best way to heal my heart? I would give anything to have him back in my life, but I understand this is his choice.... I just want to know how to pick myself back up. Already my hair is falling out because of stress and I am suffering from blackouts and nose bleeds. Things my doctor says are definitely stress related.Help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2005): I am so sorry you are enduring this heartache in your life. It's likely hard for you to imagine your life without your boyfriend as your life with him had been so intertwined. It sounds like you are experiencing the "grief" we all know too well, when a relationship ends. I would suggest you look for helpful information in dealing with the stages of grief, people encounter after a break up. The internet..the library...bookstores-all great resources for finding the help you need.
In time, letting go just happens after you've let yourself grieve and rage and whatever else you need to do. Other times, people have to deliberately focus on letting go. Just depends on who you are and how you cope. It's tempting to hold on, and scary to let go, isn't it. Saying to yourself that you are letting go of your ex-b/f can be helpful. Interrupting yourself when you get stuck thinking or talking about her/him and redirecting your focus onto something else is all part of letting go.
While you are going through this grieving procees..it's vital you keep busy and focused on other aspects of your life-in order to recover. Stay close with family, friends and loved ones. Talk openly to them about what you are going through..as talking will help but, also try to have fun doing activities with them all, that you really enjoy.
Breaking-up can feel unbearably, hard and so permanent. Let yourself know that you won't always feel this way and in the meantime, let yourself grieve your loss fully. You will feel stronger and lighter for having done so.
Take care, my dear and hang in there! Hugs to you, Irish
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (27 July 2005):
 I understand your pain, letting go of someone we love so much is always going to be hard. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you but this is his decision and it's something you must come to terms with or your life will not get any better.
It's all very easy for us to say to you 'get over it' and 'move on' but I know, it's not that easy when you're the one in love with them. But you need to find yourself again, find out who you are on your own, not attached to someone else. You need to get in touch with the amazing things that make you who you are and realise that no one can make you whole unless you are whole yourself. People always say nobody can love you unless you love yourself. I find that getting into the frame of mind that it's 'his loss' works.
I'm sure you're an amazing lady, ten times the woman his new 'piece' is. At the end of the day, he'll probably do the same to her anyway, once a cheat always a cheat. I think you're better of without him, you can find someone who truly deserves you and will never be unfaithful.
This will take time, getting over a lost love doesn't happen over night but please don't give up. Maybe speak to your doctor and get some anti-depressants to calm your mood for a few weeks until you start to feel better. I promise this feeling won't last forever, time is the greatest healer. Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Eva +, writes (27 July 2005):
As much as a difficult situation this is you really have to try and move on for the sake of yourself. I know things like this are pretty tough but it will take time. Try to get your friends round for a night in together or go out and have a good time. You could make some new friends, take up a hobby. The main thing is to keep yourself occupied so that you will not think about him too much. Be easier on yourself as well. I hope it all works out for you!
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reader, annmac +, writes (27 July 2005):
Hi my daughter is in the same position as you and devastated.Together for four years and he decides he wants a new life without her in it.To me the decision he has made is his choice be it wrong or right.She cried for two months and was totally ill.That was four months ago .I dont know how long your breakup has been but it does get easier you might not think it does but trust me it does.Being with someone you truly love and now feeling rejected is very hard to bear.They both cried together and understanding that was hard for her because if he truly loved her that much why was he leaving the answer is he wants to and no matter how much you try he will not change his feelings unless he wants to.Think about why he is leaving you forget the tears and sit down and think.If he has chosen this other woman do you really want to be second best?and sitting waiting in the wings in case he changes his mind.Go out with friends don't dwell on what could have been don't sit and wait.Have fun and no contact .Hope this helps annmac
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