A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband has been using porn and all of the women he has searched were completely different to me...for example I am older and show sigs of having had my children..My body has stretch marks and scars. He searched thousands of women all of them between about 18 and 25...none around 40 like me..None of them had any of the normal signs of aging or having had babies..they were all perfect..When I asked him if he ever searched 'mature or amatuer porn (which I know is available) he smply said he's not interested in that kind of thing. This feels really crappy to me as it seems he is obviously not interested in my type.. I know he loves me and is attracted to my personality but I feel I would be settling with a man who sees me as physically less beautiful than these men. I get plenty of attention from other women and am told I look very good for my age but it hurts to think that my husband would not choose a women who looks like me for sexual pleasure when given the option in porn.... You advice is appreciated..Thankyou
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): More than ever I hear this kind of comments. I am struggling
with the same issue with my Fiance. He always complement me
as the good and wonderful woman. But he always refers to
the porn girls or ex wife as the seductive and attractive woman who are destructive. He admits to like destructive woman.
I decided to block my feelings. When we make love, I do not allow to feel any desire or feeling for him, I just do it.
Since I start blocking desires for him, I really do not care
if he sees porn. I just treat him like nothing more than someone who satisfy my sex desires. It does work.
I am currently attending grad school. As soon I graduates,
I leave. I do not want to date any more. The men in this country as older they get , as more destructive they become.
They are alcoholic, use drugs, abuse porn or anything that prove their poor values.
My suggestion to you is move on...Use him as he hurt you and then when you are ready financially and mentally, leave him
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): I have just discovered that my partner too looks at porn from time to time. i was shocked to start with then very angry and we did row however thinking sensibly i realised we all have urges it doesnt change his sexual feelings towards me it is purely mechanical masturbation not loving sex.If i was to choose i would definately stick with loving sex over mechanical anyday but men are strange creatures that have different thoughts and feelings to us they are able to be more mechanical about sex than us that doesnt mean they do not possess the emotional bit but occassionally the mechanical takes over. dont worry about what you cant change learn to accept this as part of his nature maybe even explore it together and find that passion and spark once more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Thanks for the responses...to the person who said dont worry because he loves me and married me...I guess my whole point is that if he ad the chance to love and marry any one of those women on his porn he would definately have chosen them over me...
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A
male
reader, mattharmon17  +, writes (25 June 2007):
as mentioned earlier (and as a guy) men look at porn stars who are completely differnt from what they would normally go for. im sure he still loves you as much if not more then when you met him. maybe you should consider a 2nd hunnymoon or something by you selves and spend some quality time together
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (25 June 2007):
Ah! Yes Porn: It has it's place in one's sexuality, Be you young or old, male or female. If your viewing of the porn leads to a more enlightened knowledge of how to please your partner in or out of the bedroom, But it should be a shared together,sometimes, but not all of the time,within any and all relationships Do I look at Porn? Yes. and I am Soon to be 80 years young, But I don't use porn just to be looking at naked, women's bodies, But as way to improve our own sexual-togetherness. And I don't just look at young chicks bodies to get my jollies off. For me a woman's body, at any age, is a beautiful sight to behold. And even more wonderful to be making love to. Guess! He has a messed up mind, when it comes to women's bodies. And especially the one woman who has stuck by him through thick and thin for most of his lifetime. Bet, There isn't much going on in your bedroom either these days. He no doubt is getting his kicks on sexual-route 66, hot, mind stimulating erections from Porn. So if nothing is going on in your bed, it just might be fistcity, masturbation,in front of his computer. My wife would of never made the center-fold of Playboy. She is much shorter than me, and kind of round like a butterball, but I love every inch of her sexy body. We never even dated, except by mail and phone, Me, Living in the US and she living in the Philippines. As for sexual pleasure, that comes from two warm bodies making love, not from some cold, lifeless bodies inducing an erection on a Tv monitor. Do hope that I have been of help, but do keep-up your self-respect and your self-love,as I don't see you getting much of that from your Husband these days.
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A
female
reader, sarahbeth101  +, writes (24 June 2007):
heymy dad does that too. and my mom found out about it. my mom is 42 and she said that he can look but can't touch. So don't let him bother you. He married you and he loves you. So don't let that get you down.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2007): dont know if this helps, but as a guy i like a variety of porn and i tend to look for things in porn that i would not look for in a long term sexual partner. i would never want any of my g/f's to look like the women in porn, nor porn stars look like anyone ive dated. porn will never beat the real thing, what i find sexually attractive in porn is not what i want in the real thing. i probably dont make much sense, but basically i see them as two different things and look for different things in them. hope this makes sense and helps.
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