A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So i have this guy who's interested in me. the problem is I dont want him in the least bit.... and i have no idea how to let him down easy. I dont want to be insensitive about it because I am trying to get over a "thing" with a guy who i really really liked, pursued him, made every effort to "make him like me" but failed as he didnt reciprocate my feelings. So i am still going through the pain of rejection... and although i know we will never be, i still have these feelings for him that I have spent the last few months trying to get rid of. and although i know that getting into a relationship would be the best way for me to forget about this man [according to my friends], I know what i want and its not this guy that has expressed interest in me. and this is coming from someone who is 28 and has never had a boyfriend ever [i probably shouldnt be this choosy i know... but i dont want to settle]. I need some advice on how to politely tell this guy that I am not interested i him without hurting his feelings [he is extremely shy and I know it took everything in him to let me know how he was feeling]. I want to be honest about the fact that the reason i cant say yes to him is simply because I dont want him... not because i have anyone else [as for some reason, he seems to have that impression although i have never led him to believe I do]. Plus i usually see him once a week in this cell i attend... and so I wouldnt want it to be awkward. How do i let him down easy?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (13 June 2012):
You can't let him down and not hurt his feelings, sorry, but it just won't happen. I'd much rather you were honest to him and told him that you really can't see him that way, rather than giving him any kind of false hope though. It will be more of a hit for him now, but the clean cut you'll give him will heal faster and better than any half hearted 'too kind' rejection which will ultimately leave him hoping things between you two could change. Keep this in mind, when we're interested in someone, we tend to ignore subtle signs that say 'I'm not interested', because we want to believe what we wish- so be honest and clear about it. Make him understand his best chance is moving on and that there's nothing to gain for him to keep hurting himself over a relationship which will never happen. Of course, I'm not saying that you should insult him or tell him you find him repulsive, just list whatever reason you have for not liking him in a firm way, BUT without blaming him, just making it clear you two are not compatible and it wouldn't work. Make him see he's not your type and point out that he will find a woman who will be his perfect fit, but that person is not you.
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