A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've started seeing someone I care hugely for. We have become almost best friends as well as lovers. The problem is he has sex on the brain. I'm not sure if I was equally sex obsessed at the beginning but have now changed into wanting more respectful boundaries because I realise how much he means to me and I don't want him to think of me as cheap - or - if he now feels more comfortable being so forward and personal about sex because we've been intimate. Either way outside of sex we have such good chemistry, laugh always and talk about everything. It's just lately I've noticed he is obsessed with sex with me, which I'm flattered by also, but am starting to feel like he is losing interest in our friendship and leaving less for me to be interested in him for.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (16 August 2010):
 I sincerely doubt he sees you only as a sex object. Don't worry about him censoring himself, as long as he can freely express himself with you about most things. The most important part of sexual activity is that both partners feel comfortable and safe. Setting your guidelines in that regard is important to the relationship. Good luck. As long as you aren't asking for drastic changes, compromise shouldn't be difficult to reach.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2010): Thanks guys. That might help, going beforehand but he might still just see me as sex. I'll give it try.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 August 2010):
 You could try having sex in the mornings, or shortly before dates, in order to take his mind off getting any action during the rest of your time with him. If he's already gotten laid, he'll have an easier time focussing on the emotional part of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (13 August 2010):
Have you expressed this to him? That would be a great start for you. Sexual compatibility is very important in a relationship. If you've found someone with whom you're that compatible, that's awesome, on all the levels you've mentioned.
I think a conversation about what you're starting to feel will be important. Just be careful if you cut him off. My ex basically did that to me. We were having lots of sex during the honeymoon period and then it tapered down. Ultimately it drove me away. I felt unloved and unwanted. Many men equate sex in a committed relationship to a show of love. If you have less sex with him, it can mean (in his head) that you love him less. You need to express your feelings and do your best to keep the spark alive on all levels of your relationship. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010): Me again. I should probably add that I have brought it up with him and he knows now not to say certain things and doesn't, he is learning, but I also hate the thought of him censoring himself. I like him so much I feel bad that I might be trying to change him.
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