A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been together with my partner for 2 years. When we started dating, there was a spark there and an ease in communicating. I enjoyed being around him and learning about him. However, our time together has never been perfect. We have always had trouble communicating with one another - I know I'm not perfect and that we do have different communication styles and interests, but I know that relationships can usually work past these and I thought we could too. However, he is coming into this relationship with a lot of serious personal trauma that he is not comfortable talking about with me or even with himself. He will say "it's not that easy." He spends a lot of time grumbling, withdrawn in the bedroom, and he spend months in a funk when he lost his job and in some ways he has still not recovered from it.I do truly love and care about him but lately I've just started feeling numb in our interactions. I don't feel like I am able to make him happy or motivate him. In some ways I wish I could fix him or make it better but moreso, I think I'm also disappointed that the hopeful capable person I saw when we first started dating is not who he is/has become.Does anyone have advice on how to approach this? For both of us it feels like the end of our romantic relationship - in some ways I don't want this to be true but in others I would almost welcome release. I just don't know if I'm being too hopeful/stubborn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): http://www.care2.com/greenliving/is-your-relationship-ending.html
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq7_playful_communication.htm
No one can answer this question for you, only you can best judge the health of your relationship...I hope these articles help....it does sound like he is in trouble, and then so are you...good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Firstly, I have to say. Your boyfriend sounds depressed, like he might be 'floundering' in life and I am wondering if clinical depression has truly set in. And sometimes when we love someone, we need to be the strong one and do all we can to help that person. Have you tried to get him to a doctor for help? Secondly, if you don't think this is depression but just a lack of communication, then the emotional intimacy is depleting here. Anytime in a relationship, when two people drift apart, emotionally and no longer communicate, they are not bonding and that is a concern. And it's a very painful place to be...if just one of you is trying to repair this and the other one is not co-operating or really wanting to fix the problem. It's very telling when you mention he is not actively bonding with you unless you make the first move. If so, then something is definitely on his mind and he is avoiding intimacy as mentioned below. If you keep asking him about this, I think he'll keep denying it, thus adding to your frustrations and all that happens is an arguing and more arguing...all without resolution. If you want to help this relationship, then you may have to get some professional counseling (couples) Communication is important..and he's struggling. It is very likely that your relationship has long had some issues you may or may not have recognized, but he knows it and he's refusing to discuss these issues with you. Relationships are tough and it takes hard, hard work and sometimes we need the extra help to help a floundering partner, to come out with what is truely bothering him. Counseling might help him and you. If he doesn't want to go with you, go alone and get some thoughts and opinions on how to repair the wedge, that is clearly in breaking down this relationship. If that doesn't work, you can not make him talk..you can't build a bond without his co-operation. You may have to re-evaluate whether staying in this relationship, is giving 'you' the happiness you want in life. A tough decision, I know but one that saves you future despondency and the loss of yourself. Good Luck, hun and be
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