A
female
age
22-25,
vidisha
writes:my life is in real mess now. i fell in love wid another guy while bein married. i disclosed dis to my husband and wanted to seperate from him. but he insisted on staying together adue to his conservative family background. v stopped all physical relations amongst us and i continued to c my boyfrend. after a yr i got pregnant and my boyfrend was not in a position to acept me as he is the only son of his family. and my husband stepped in believing the child to be his and i had a baby boy. after a while my boyfrend felt guilty and he still loved me much so he came back to accept me along wid our baby. but my husband is not willing to leave me coz all the world now knows tat baby as his. for our better future my boyfrend has gone to another city for better prospects in his business. i had to lie to him tat i ve already seperated from my husband. now my boyfrend wants me to settled down wid him in the new city. the prob is he is still financialy not stable. and he is a lil dominating type who will not allow me to work whereas my 1st husband earns a handsome salary and he has already given my baby a very luxurious life moreover he is a very submissive guy who does wat ever v want him to do. but even though am more comfortable wid him than wid my boyfrend i don love him. my boyfrend has assured me he will give us a good life but he needs a lil time for tat n till den we will have to adjust and i do trust him on dis but am worried to hell thinking whether i should take my small baby into an uncertain life. but i also kno he will have probs in his future life if he has a father who is not his own and when i have his real father willing to acept him i dunno wat should i do. the main prob is my husband is very attached to him now.n its breaking my heart to take him away from my husband. and for his sons sake my boyfrend has gone against his whole family and frends to accept me even though am a divorcee and a single mother. plz advice in the interest of my baby. its very urgent
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female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (18 April 2008):
 There are too many unknown variables with your boyfriend, not to mention his control issues and financial instability. Your foundation with him has so far been built on deception and other lies and although you love him, these things will undermine this love you have after about a year, if that long. Pile on top of that a jilted husband who will most likely cause problems and for a controlling boyfriend, his mere presence in your child's life may send him over the edge. I think eventually, you will find yourself in a worse position than you are now and whatever love you feel now, won't even be close to enough to weather these storms.
You don't love your husband which is a whole separate problem. Keeping this prospect of a future life with the boyfriend only contributes more to you not loving him and makes it virtually impossible to improve or fix anything in your current marriage. You've placed yourself in a situation where both sides are teetering on the edge and any decision you make will be forced and premature. To think you can make a solid decision in your current state is impossible so you have to either choose to literally leap into your new relationship with your fingers crossed and eyes closed or stay put where you are unhappy but your child is safe, connected, and secure. I agree that it's probably not the best influence on the child to see two parents who don't love each other but it's also not good for your child to see you as a parent diving into situations blind-folded- this teaches nothing about problem solving or being stable.
If you truly want to do what's in the best interest for your baby and not yourself, get rid of the boyfriend for now (your already lying to him and creating a bigger mess) and do what you can to restore your marriage- give it your best effort. If you can't, leave on your own with your child. Leave because you want your child to grow up not seeing his parents living a lie and because you will be a more happy, fulfilled parent. Don't leave for another man.
A
male
reader, salvation  +, writes (18 April 2008):
i always back the side of love so go with the one you love more that sounds like your boyfriend. I would let your husband visit now and then the kid will most likely just think of him as an uncle. That way everyone is happy. Its tough though good luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Are you familiar with the term "adulteress?" If not, look it up. Your husband and child deserve more than your flagrant misuse of their trust.
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