A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello!So I'm posting this question to just get some anonymous advice about something. I have been friends with a guy for a while and I kind of knew he liked me more than just that. But I kept feeling like I wasn't really into it. He finally asked me out twice and i said no because I just always had an excuse (hes not tall, hes not the kind of guy I want) etc etc. Now he's seeing a mutual friend of ours and it wasn't bothering me at first but has started to. I know I don't have any right to now want him and I know the girl likes him (shes a friend of mine and a sweet girl) so I would never try to come in between them. I guess my question isn't so much what do I do but I'm trying to figure out why I do this. It's kind of a pattern with me to find excuses for not dating a guy that really shows he likes me. And I'm also wondering if I did actually like him or its just a matter of now that I can't have him, I miss the attention. I know this is mostly something I need to find the answer to myself but just wondering if anyone had any advice/insight to share that also has found themselves in something similar. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the reply! its good to know Im not the only one :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,
Thanks for replying. Ive been thinking about it and I think you both are right as well. Its a little bit of I want a relationship because I find myself feeling regretful mostly when she starts talking to me about it. And its also a little bit of Im scared of getting hurt so I tend not take too many risks. Truth is I dont really understand why I am so scared of it, doesn't seems like I have much reason to be.
Ive told myself before that Ill change this and give more people a chance but evidently, it doesn't always work. Anyways, I think I should just look forward to meeting new people and try not to think too much about this :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 February 2011):
 I think Ampersand is right, this is a case of you wanting what you can't have, coupled with a desire for a relationship more than a desire for this individual.
I think you're afraid to put yourself out there and risk getting hurt. That's part of the reason you pass on good prospects.
Perhaps you need to consider NOT writing a guy off before going on a couple of dates with him. Sometimes that's what it takes for you to learn if your really do or don't like someone in that way. It's not like you have to commit to anything, but a date is definitely a good place to tell if there is a spark.
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A
female
reader, HKR29  +, writes (21 February 2011):
I am exactly like you!
When I can have men I don't want them but when I cant for whatever reason they become all I think about.
I think its partly to do with attention and the attention you lose when guys go out with other men because their attention focuses on them and not you.
I think its to do with insecurities as well but I really wouldn't worry! You always want what you cant have, but the grass isn't always greener on the other side!!!
I'm sure there are many others with this problem :)
Hope this helps!!!
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