A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:dear cupid, my problem is a universal one. i think i am in love with my best friend. about one and a half years ago was when we became real friends. before that we only knew each other and were on a hi-hello basis. he was going through a break-up and used to call me up for help(to recover from it). we used to talk for about 2 hours almost everyday. this went on and we kinda became best buddies. i too felt really comfortable with him and used to open up a lot. so in between i realized that maybe i am in love with him.If he doesn't call, i used to miss him. i always think of him. in college(we both study in the same college), i unwittingly keep looking for him and if he is around, i become aware of myself. the problem is he can never be in love with me. i am not his type of girl(which i came to know through our conversations). so i don't want to embarrass and hurt myself by falling in love with him but i just can't get over this feeling that i have towards him. what do i do?
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Why can he never be in love with you? What "type" of girl are you that he can't love you?
Honestly, I think you're giving yourself far to little credit.
Feelings like this don't go away easily, often they never really go away. The best methods I know are to confess your feelings and/or cut the person out of your life completely. The other option is to seek someone with whom you have an even stronger connection.
I vote that you confess your feelings. You may be surprised, or you may find out what you think you already know, but at least you will have put it out there and you will know for sure. The better a friend he is, the more understanding he will be.
I wrote this a while ago when I was going through the same thing. I had a 5 year crush on a close friend. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/paralyzed-by-not-knowing.html
I have since gotten over the crush. I looked at things objectively and considered if a relationship with her would really work. When I realized it wouldn't, I sort of grieved the relationship that never was, but have maintained the friendship, because that's more important to me after the history we now have together. I have sought out people to date, and have found someone with whom I have a wonderfully strong connection. It has helped me get over the crush.
I won't lie and say none of those feelings remain, but they are no where near as strong as they once were. FWIW, I never confessed my feelings due to my crush being in a relationship.
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