A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I thank everyone who takes their time out to sift through my ramblings. I suppose I am lost as to what I should do. For the past year or so I have had then daunting feeling of unhappiness. I am so completely unfamiliar with this I do not really know what to do, where to go, or who I could possibly turn to.I suspect I am depressed, or something along those lines. I often feel self conscious of myself (though we all do I suppose), I am rather lethargic and find myself tired all of the time, I cant focus very well, I tend to dwell on negative things in my mind, and I often fantasize about killing myself. Not that I think I would do it, but I often wish I had an out to my misery, and sometimes fantasizing about not being here and dealing with all of my problems brings me a small bit of pleasure.I often look at myself in the mirror with frustration and negativity. I hate the way I look, the way I act, the things I say... I am so unhappy with myself that it tears me apart inside piece by piece. I am not overly unattractive I suppose, but I don't know how to look at myself and think "wow I am an attractive individual" or something like that... Every single time I see my own image I feel disgusted, and remind myself how much I hate myself. I will frequently think negative thoughts to myself, such as "You are so stupid", or "your so ugly", "no one will ever love you", etc etc...I live such a poor, sloppy life. I rarely eat, I feel sick most of the time, I live very trashy I never clean up after myself, I dont go out much and when I do I usually get wasted. Another problem I have struggled with is drinking and drugs. After my ex gf left me I really started to abuse drugs. I felt ok while on drugs, but eventually the effects were not the same and my dark feelings would arise even while taking drugs.I am so sad, I don't know what to do... I don't want to go to a dr because I don't know that I want to be put onto more drugs... But I suppose if they could help me I would like to try... I have read different things about depression, and natural cures and such... I just feel so lazy to make any real change in my life. I feel as though if I attempt to do this it will fail, like all of my other life challenges.I have no one to turn to... No one to speak to... There is no one in my life, and as I write this I feel even worse knowing that the only people I can turn to after 26 years on this planet are a bunch of anonymous people... I have no one, literally...
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female
reader, taina1980 +, writes (10 September 2009):
Wow believe me you are not alone. You may have a chemical imbalnce which leads you to feel like this... Everything you described is something i have felt at one point and i mean everything. First you have to makle one step. You feel lazy i know but you really need to seek therapy to sort out the issues. they will know exactly what to do how to treat your illness. Ffirst you need to realize that your mind is playing tricks on you . all those bad thoughts and negative feeling asre all apart of your illness ... its not you talking its the illness . .. try saying this to yourself and silence that voice inside you that tells you all these lies about yourself you have to learn and tune it out ... shut off the noise...you need to seek professional help or else it will never get better...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): I know how you feel, you're not alone. I have to talk to someone about my depression. I come home and sleep for hours to get away from reality because I have no way to cope with it any more. My family doesen't understand, I've lost countless friends. I myself feel in the same position as you. However, you shouldnt turn to drugs and alcohol. They will do nothing for you, and its certainly not going to change the way things are going for you now. If you do see a DR odds are you wont be medicated as soon as you walk in, and if your totally against medication that might I recomend a councelor? unless they are a psychiatrist then legally they cannot perscribe you medication. Thats their job, to be their for you so do have someone to talk to. You can pull out of this, you just need a little faith. Their is more to live for then to end your life over. I really hope things change for you, and if you need someone to talk to.. I'm heregod bless!
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