A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hey i work with this guy he is younger than me the moment i seen him i fell in love we got to be great friends told each other everything he was with sum1 and so was i but we didnt care and took our friendship to the next level, we were with each other months and he said to me he was going to leave her but i told him not to it was his childhood sweetheart an we didnt know each other very long to make decisions like that. so after a couple of months i ended things cause i knew i was falling in love. i taught this feeling would go away but it didnt we were with each other again, and again he was found out, she now knows who i am and warned him not to speak to me and he hasnt what do i do is it to late?
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male
reader, Heartbroken in love  +, writes (14 July 2009):
when two people are involved but are in commited relationships themselves its hardly ever a good situation. he expressed a desire to commit to u at once and your response probably made him feel as though he really was better off staying with her. if love him u simply need to take a chance with him. if a girl said to me I wud take it to mean that maybe all we are is sex. people shud always be honest with their feelings and not hold back. that is wut I live by at least
A
female
reader, KK85  +, writes (14 July 2009):
i think honesty is the best policy here....you are going to drive yourself insane with the questions that only he can answer. be prepared to hear answers that you don't like, but until you take the step to have an open and honest discussion about how you feel, you are always going to be in this limbo. he is only doing what you asked of him, which is to stay away. i have played games before, where i have told a guy not to talk to me and then been gutted when they havent as i was playing hard to get....in my experience, the most enjoyable relationships have been the ones where its been total honesty. granted its a lot harder at times, but they have definately been the most memorable. at least you will gain his respect by being honest even if you dont get the result you want, plus either way...you will only end up either answering your questions and gaining closure to move on OR you will end up in what could be one of the most rewarding relationships. either way, surely that makes you the winner if you take that leap of faith?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): You can't do anything. He has made a decision on whom he wants . You need to allow their relationship to succeed or fail on its own... without any iota of interference from you. We don't know why he and you allowed this friendship to go to the next level, but I am guessing...problems in your own relationships with others, may have been the motivating factor here. Boredom, tedium, wanting more excitement, neediness, loneliness, a whole whack of personal issues...could've caused this. Only you both know why you two, did this.
Now is the time to muster up some strength here and learn to move on from this. Because as I see it right now, you are setting yourself up for further pain by allowing your life to be held hostage by another man's girlfriend. If he's with her now, that is where he wants to be. If he wanted a love relationship and cared deeply for only you, he'd be there right now, by your side...but's he's not is he. He's plainly done some thinking and she is the one he wants, right now. Please, look at his actions here.
So please, back away and understand if you meddle in this situation and cause this man grief in his current relationship, he could possibly blame you and eventually want nothing to do with you. So until he gains new understanding of why he'd cheat on his gf with you, he will not change. And you have to remember and understand why you did the same to your current bf. You both need to deal with the question: Why didn't you both get out of your unhappy relationships 'before' pursuing each other. So work on yourself and your own life. when I hear about sceanarios like this, I always say...people are not interested in each other's best interest. That in fact, they both were interested in their own best interests. Cheating is pure selfishness as far as I am concerned. You need to look hardinto yourself here. because...he appears to want to stay with her and still you ask 'what can you do'? Why are even asking that? I think it's obvious that it's because you want him for yourself. So now that type of rationale is saying...this whole scenario has just become 'only' about your own 'best interest'. No one else's. If you love him, you'd want him to be happy. Let him go. And don't have anything to do with him, until both of you areout of your current relationships, free and single again. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (14 July 2009):
 there is nothing you can do about it now really you guys made the awful mistake of cheating on people you were with.
and got found out all you can do is respect the wishes that he cannot see you and leave it at that really.
just have to wait and see what the future holds if it holds anything.
will be tough but that's the kind of committments you have to do when you love someone let them go.
Hope this helps.
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (14 July 2009):
when two people are involved but are in committed relationships themselves its hardly ever a good situation. he expressed a desire to commit to u at once and your response probably made him feel as though he really was better off staying with her. if love him u simply need to take a chance with him. if a girl said to me I would take it to mean that maybe all we are is sex. people should always be honest with their feelings and not hold back. that is what I live by at least
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