A
female
age
30-35,
*id_i_make_a_mistake
writes:I was 16 and my bf 17 when we decided that we would have a baby. It didnt take long for us to get pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant we moved into his parents basement apartment. I now have a 4 month old son,Kyron. He is my life and I love him and my bf. My bf said he loved how happy i was when i was pregnant and how beautiful I ooked. HE keeps asking tome to have another baby but Im not sure if I want to. Ever time I say no him he says I dont love him. How can I show him I love him but I feel overwhelmed with everthing?
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female
reader, hannita09  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Ok first question is who is supporting you and the baby finacially? Because if he is 17 years old i dont think there are many jobs where he can make a substancial amount of money for the 2 of you! Are you guys is school? Who watches the baby when you cant? I am 21 and i got pregnant at 17 had the baby at 18 and i love my child but times have been really really tough and you still have a lot to live, plus relationships dont always work even if you have kids he is to young to know for sure if he wants more kids.I sure the idea excites him but Later he might change his mind and guys don't feel like it is their responsibility so he could just leave if he wanted. Plus sounds like he enjoyed the prenancy and the the whole idea of making the baby but what happens after all that is over and the crying, and sleepless nights come and he has 2 babies and you to support? You need to sit him down and tell him you love him but he isnt thinking of the difficult part of raising children he is just thinking of the happy times you need to bring him back to reality! And no matter what he says dont let him trick you or brainwash you! You need to worry about what you want that is your body and plus girl ur young you still should get an education and live a little! Enjoy ur little one now cuz if you have two one on one time wont be the same!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): You know your limits. You know what you can and can't do. Explain your position, say you love him, and you must take care of your responsibilities, which includes your mental and emotional health, and that's that.
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A
female
reader, evelast653  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 It seems your in a pretty tricky situation. Considering your age I can understand your desire to hold off on more children. You and your boyfriend are both young and still sorting out your lives, another child could make the situation more complicated. I suggest you sit down and talk to your boyfriend explaining to him why it is exactly that you are not ready have more children. The love in a relationship isn't based solely on whether your willing to carry out his every want and desire. In my opinion, real mature love is one of two people who are willing to compromise for the better of the other. If having another child is not in the best interest of the moment, then your boyfriend should consider that.
Your both young and there's PLENTY of time left :]
hope that helps :]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): ok... let me point out some facts that you can point out to him...
living situation---Parents Basement??????
If you love me and our baby we will get a suitable living arrangement... one that involves a NURSERY!
you are barely on your feet... infact you are not on your feet your on his parents feet. You now have a baby to raise... why would you bring another life into this world when the both of you are not able to care for the one you created?
Im not being mean... but lets get to reality here! What, are the babies going to share a crib?
what about if he leaves... or they kick you out? where will you and two infants go?
Womens shelter? who will watch your babies when you want to go to school and i hope you do cause he sounds like a person with the high IQ of 70. Which is pretty much the common sense of forest gump and his happy shoes.
Do you not see how entrapped you are right now? Even if you wanted to leave you couldn't...why...
baby
job
place to live
income
daycare
food
formula
the list goes on and on...
Im glad you love your bf... thats great... but I think whats best for your babys future is what you should be thinking about right now... Not the 17 yr old baby who hasn't graduated high school yet.... Btw Im only hard on him because if he was thinking of you and your baby first he wouldnt even mention having another child.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): First of all...let me say that there will probably be people who only criticize you for your young age. You're 16, I'm 23...none of that matters! Ignore them. Yes, you are a young mother, but a mothers love isn't limited by that any more than it is by the number of children you have. Just wanted to give some encouragement on that.
Your question: I'm not an expert on this, but I have a pretty solid idea of a healthy response. It's great that your boyfriend was so supportive of the pregnancy, but not so great that he feels you don't love him for not wanting another baby right away. I'm a mom too, so I understand the feelings of being overwhelmed, even by just one! If it were me, I would explain to my boyfriend that not wanting to jump into another pregnancy has nothing to do with my feelings for him, but rather my feelings for my child. Every child deserves to have that period at the beginning of their lives where they are provided with as much attention as possible. It's important not only for your ability to bond with your baby, but both of your abilities to bond as a family.
Secondly, don't shut him up. Be willing to listen to his arguements for why he thinks you should have another baby so soon, and in exchange ask that he be willing to listen to you. If you can learn to grow together and value what is important to each other, you'll set up a much better home environment for Kyron as well as any children you have in the future. And doesn't the next baby ALSO deserve to be born into a family that is ready and waiting for him/her? Explaining these feelings to your boyfriend calmly and lovingly may help him to realize that loving him is the reason you should wait, not the reason to jump into more children.
Lastly...Kyron will almost certainly not be your one and only :) This time is important for him to establish himself as a member of your family, and to let him begin to take on his role in your lives. Adding a little brother or sister to the mix won't rob him of this opportunity, but it will cut it short.
Love is the glue that holds all families together, even through hurdles. This sounds like it may well be a big hurdle for you and your boyfriend right now, but allowing the love you have for each other and for your son to take over right now will help everyone in the long run, and you will slowly begin to feel more comfortable with your role as a new mom, and a lot less overwhelmed! I wish you the best of luck with everything, and your son is blessed to have a mom who loves him so much! Congratulations :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2009): So this guy says you don't love him if you dont have another kid? And you are only 16 and with a kid already? And you are living in his parent's basement? And he wants you to have another baby because you LOOKED PRETTY when you were pregnant?
So many warning bells, so many red flags. Tell him a trip to the spa will be less expensive than raising a baby to 18, and will make your skin glow just the same. :)
And after he's given you that, try as soon as you can to run, run for the hills...
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A
male
reader, andrew loves hali +, writes (6 May 2009):
 if he says you dont love him just because you dont grant his every wish it doesnt sound like he loves you very much. he seems like a jerk to me.
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (6 May 2009):
 when he gets older it gets harder, i have a 10 mo. year old so i would seriously talk to him and ask him what the rush is? if you want to have another baby but not right away tell him you have to wait.....you would like to wait. he should know you love him already b/c you wanted to have a child w/him...
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