A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half... we have lived together for over a year now. I love him very much and we have a great time but sometimes I feel unhappy because it seems like he isn't the same person I fell in love with. He is older than me by about 5 years... yet still enjoys going out and partying more than I do (I have to add that most of his friends don't even go out anymore!) When I suggest we do something else, or that I would prefer not to go out, he can be outright hurtful and make me feel bad and will make it quite clear that he will just go out without me (and he has). He sometimes also gets to the point where he says he doesn't want to be with me anymore... he wants a girlfriend who isn't so boring or nags so much. And a lot of times I end up in tears... usually with enough time later he will come to me and apologize and tell me thats he doesnt mean the things he says and the last time this happened I did tell him that he can't say those things because I don't forget them and they hurt even when im past it. My question is... am I being a fool staying in a relationship with someone who clearly isn't ready to be in a mature, compromising relationship? Is loving him with all I have enough or is it worth losing what could be a great thing just for my own peace of mind?
View related questions:
fell in love Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, leanne.od  +, writes (22 September 2007):
 i think in a mad, unthoughtful way he trying to tell you he wants ou to be involved more. he goes out without you because you don't want to go and you're younger than him, ok, you don't have to go out every weekend but why not compromise? talk to him rashionally and explain that you don't mind going out and would like to but would also like to spend time with him alone as you love him and don't want to loose the closeness you have.
in the heat of the moment, people tend to things aimed to hurt a loved one because you're angry or upset or both! and it doesn't justify his behaviour but he is always the one who comes back, tail between the legs and apologises.
maybe he's not the most mature person, but every man has an inner child and that is it, he's pushing for your attention. when he goes out without you, it's because he wants to prove a point, and he knows it winds you up.
mens minds work in mysteriously (stupid) ways!
good luck
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2007):
 Loving him with all you have does not change behaviors, if he is not willing to change. Take a couple of minutes and view your story, but think about it as you're reading it for the first time. You can even pretend it's someone else and not you, your reading. While reading it, ask yourself a few questions:
(1) WHY, does he want to go out alone and not with me. (Remember his friends don't party) (2) WHY, wont he change his plans of BEING ALONE to do something with me? (3) WHY, when an "offer is made" does he be nasty, hurt me and call me names? Coming off question (1) and (3) First number one, WHO is more fun than hanging out with me? Now three, Why is this behavior known as DEFENSIVE behavior?
What is your boyfriend (possibly) hiding from his girlfriend? That's my question. Someone who acts abrupt like that without being given a cause by you to do so (suggestions are not cause) is usually hiding something, that behavior is a need to protect.
Now, aside from your love. What do you think about your next sentence. You basically said. All though I love him, should I leave, saying I can stay, love him and by treated like crap and being unhappy, or I can leave him, maybe loose a partial investment, and be happy. I choose happiness. You deserve it and HE HAS ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT TO TREAT YOU THE WAY HE HAS BEEN. He is not acting as if he is an active partner in this arrangement. You'll need to decide for yourself, but I recommend to choose happiness, over what your going through.
...............................
|
