A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi! i'd appreciate it if u can give me good advice.i had a boyfriend i loved very much and i believe he loves me too, at least he was. we can't make a dicision about where we live after our marriage. he and their family want us to go back their city where i don't belong. i really don't wanna agree. so yesterday he suggested let's break up for 1-2 months. i couldn't get what he meant. doesn't he love me anymore? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, natasia  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 i don't know whether he really wants a break, but he clearly can't cope with the pull of his family and the pull of you, and he needs one side to cave in. He can't change or move his family, so you either have to cave or walk. I think that's about it. Ironically, I imagine he does love you, but your refusal to let him be near his family is probably making him question that.
If you want to be with him, reconsider the city thing. Why don't you just try it out? At the moment he feels you don't understand him/don't respect his love for his family/don't appreciate the difficult situation he is in. Maybe he is right - if you really loved him, you would.
Does he love you? Well, he should also consider your strong feelings about where you want or don't want to be, but I think it's too much at this stage to ask him to prioritise you above his family.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 You're boyfriend/girlfriend unless you're engaged you don't need to be discussing where you will be living after you tie the knot. To take a break for 1-2 months is quite a break when people throw up the break card it's often for just a week or 2...Be wary of breaks because couples don't often get back together after taking a "break". It's a nice break-up so to speak. Honestly, see what happens in a month or 2 but be prepared for this "break" to be a permanent one.
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A
male
reader, jimrich +, writes (17 September 2010):
re: doesn't he love me anymore? ... It all depends on exactly what you mean by 'love'.What does the word/feeling 'love' mean to you?Is it about NEED? re: he and their family want us to go back their city where i don't belong. i really don't wanna agree.... Not sure what you mean about you 'don't belong'? If you do not agree, what DO you want?Maybe he would rather break it off than struggle with you over the decision. IMO, it's your life so you may as well sit down by your self and write out exactly what you do want in every and any situation. If you do not know what you want or can not decide, others will do it for you and you may not like the results.re: lets break up for 1-2 months. He may be hoping that you will cave in and submit to his will on just about everything which will be more satisfying and simple for him (not you) and he can take control of the relationship from then on.Find out what 'love' really is and how it relates to your drama with the bf.good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): I believe he does love you, This is just a hard time for both of you. Maybe he is hoping that with this "break" you and him can get your thoughts clearly.
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