A
female
age
36-40,
*une234
writes:i'm having trust issues with my boyfriend that involve me being jealous of his ex-girlfriend. we've been together for over two years but when we first hooked up i suspected that he wasn't over his last girlfriend. we've had many talks about this and he assures me that his is. the reason why they broke up is because she moved to another country. a while ago i asked him how often he was in contact with her and he said that they emailed rarely. one day i snooped in his emails and found messages between them which annoyed me because they do email about once a week. i confronted him and he was upset that i had snooped. now she is coming home for a month to visit and i am really nervous. i know he is going to see her to catch up and my bf is friends with her friends so she's going to be around a lot. i don't know if i can handle seeing them together. my bf claims he knows nothing about her arrival etc. but last night i snooped again and saw that they have been talking a lot recently and arranging times to phone each other. i'm furious! what can i do though, i can't have him know that i snooped again. even though we've had countless talks about his ex, i still feel like i can't trust him. i know that his ex has a boyfriend now and obviously my guy is with me, but the fact that they communicate really bothers me. also, it bothers me that my bf is constantly reassuring me that they don't speak very often and then i find out that they do! what can i do about this? help!!!
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, has a boyfriend, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, june234 +, writes (31 May 2010):
june234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank-you both! i really appreciate your advice. this has really been tearing me up inside and it's really nice to hear other people's opinions so thank-you! :)
A
female
reader, straight to the truth  +, writes (30 May 2010):
i guess everyone definition on speaking rarely can differ so to him he might think he is telling the truth about this.
I truely understand how you are feeling and I completely support you on this but you really need to speak with him about it. maybe you dont have to tell him he snooped but when you ask him how much they speak if he says rarely then ask "well how often is rarely" tell him you dont want any secrets between you and if he plans to meet up with her then explain that you would really like to meet her.
He shouldn't plan a private/secret meet with her because if he is friends with her friends still then they can all meet up together which means there is no reason for you not to be there.
Although it may be hard for you to meet this girl I am sure you would rather be at the meet with your boyfriend as his girlfriend rather than not going and him going without you.
if he starts tobe sneaky, lie or be secretive then you will have to have it out with him and you will have to decide yourself if you will ever be able to regain the trust in him and forgive him.
I wish you all the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): that's really weird.
but some people actually stay close after they break up, and if she moved to another country then the only reason they broke up was that, it wasn't that they didn't love each other anymore :/ so they could still have feelings.
what i'd do is show him the emails and ask why he has been lying to you.
hopefully he'll say 'it's because i didn't want you to think that we liked each other.'
but you need to be approachable and not too angry so he's able to be honest with you [:
stopping him from seeing her will just make him angry because maybe they are just friends.
but in a relationship of 2years no one should be lying.
best of luck [:
...............................
|
