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He says I stress him out. I'm thinking and acting like a teenager over it, but I just want my man back

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 July 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 July 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, *i.uk writes:

This could turn into war and peace, but in short I'm thinking and acting like a teenager because I'm distraught my man of 7 years, fiance until 3 months ago, is behaving as if we're over.... we've always had a stormy relationship, and until very recently I hadn't got a handle on how much my past and issues affected how I was. On the other hand, his stress/irritability is also a big issue, yet the break-up - if there is one - is down to him saying I stress him out - and we've hardly talked (live long-distance)for about three weeks. Now I'm in therapy, the therapist is convinced my man needs it too, but there's no guarantee he'll go or agree to accept his part in this. How can I either convince him bitterness will leave us all hurt, or move on from the love of my life. ps this teenager is 51!

View related questions: fiance, move on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008):

Vow, this is difficult; I am going to try my best here; but typing everything is not always easy; and then I do make typing errors in between so please forgive the typing mistakes.

I suggest you RELAX;

Okay I know it is difficult; but try some breathing exercises; I cannot type the various exercises; but as you have children; do the prenatal breathing exercises;

I am serious; start to RELAX; do the breathing exercises; it will help you to calm down;

Yes, I agree, in a very calm and loving way, without giving to much information or going into detail, do inform your son of 20 that all is not well with your relationship; just very basic that you have some problems but are working on it; Children that age are not ignorant and they sense things even if your guy will not say anything; your son might pick up on the "Vibration" between you; THUS, rather talk to him; otherwise he might think it is because of him or who knows how these kids at times can feel sensitive about things.

Ask him to go to the airport with you; it might reduce the tension and the stress on you; however, before you go to the airport does the breathing exercises again;

Try and be very calm and stay relaxed; even if you have to occasionally go to the toilet and do breathing exercises there; remind yourself of your conversations with your counselor;

Try to stay CALM;

You are in control of yourself and your emotions and your life;

Don't give your "power" to him or anybody else.

Don't stress, relax, look forward to this as an opportunity to poof how much you have changed; and how in controll you are of yourself and your life.

Always think positive; don't allow FEARS in your mind or thoughts;

Take a deep breath and SMILE

Keep us posted, we are here if you feel like talking;

Best wishes and lots of SMILES to you.

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A female reader, fi.uk United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2008):

fi.uk is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks both - all ideas greatly appreciated. I'm in a fret--spiral at the moment, elder son (20) visiting after ages, man & our 6 year old arriving Monday late night - haven't said anything cos I don't want to embroil son in the mess, but he should probably know there's something stressful afoot in case my man says something unexpected.....

trying to keep positive when I have this gut feeling that he's mentally made the break from me, while still receiving texts with xx on the end & having non-argumentative phone calls every other day or more, god I'm in such a state. I SOOO want to show him the changes can & have started (he's not blameless, but with my therapist's help & P's will, we stand the best chance we've ever had)... but if I do that he could shy away cos he sees it as needy or intense or ....

anyway, thanks for your input, anything else valued!!! I'll go off & continue fretting - or at least trying not to. Even panicking about picking him up from the airport, how do we get through 45 min drive with no stress, or do I take my son with me? Fiona

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008):

Vow, I have empathy with you; you must be hurting; I am very happy that you are getting therapy;

You don't mention what went wrong or what caused the hurt and bitterness;

BUT, taking those feelings in consideration;

I suggest if the therapist contacts him,and invite him to a consultation; you have a better chance that he might agree to pay the therapist a visit.

I hope all works well for you; be strong and keep going with your therapy;

Best wishes

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