A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:me and my boyfriend tried having sex for the first time except it didnt work. hes trying to tell me his dick is to big for my hole. i dont believe him. should i? im also afraid after haveing sex for the first time our relationship will change. what are your ideas about these subjects? i would realy like some help =) Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, meganutts +, writes (15 August 2009):
 U can fit a baby through ur vagina. So not he's not "too" big. Lots of lube should do the trick.
A
female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Talking about babies already? Get contraception and you wont have to add to the big list there already is of teen abortions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the help guys! it might be helpful to say he is a vergin to, so he doesnt have much of an ego except that he kinda competes with his brother who is a real big shot. His brother is a hot football jock.
we have talked about what if i get pregnant, we both agree on getting an abortion. were not (me) ready to handle a baby. because he donates blood he doesnt have a STD.
we have alot of trust for eachother. we have been going out for 9 months and we have known eachother for almost 2 years.
thanks again for your help. =) ;D
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (28 June 2009):
 His penis isn't too big for you.Its a boys way of trying to feel good about himself.Your vagina can fit a baby through it so it can fit his penis inside.What is going on is that you are not relaxed enough to have sex and you are tencing up so he can't fit inside you.Try to relax next time you try to have sex and he should be able to fit in you. If you can't relax then your not ready to have sex, wait a bit until you feel ready and the time is right.Liviaxoxox
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A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (25 June 2009):
Well its easy for people to judge him and say hes lying about it to boost his ego, and that may well be, he might not have been able to get up or something and fobbed you off with that. But if he is quite big, particularly in width, then i can understand why he wouldnt have been able to. I had my first time with an 8 inch and that fucking killed me!! And could only get half up anyway. Your too tight the first time round, its best to stretch it out a bit first, use a dildo! And plenty of lubrication during the sex.
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A
male
reader, Wreck +, writes (25 June 2009):
 Yeah man you dont really gotta read that big ass article on being a virgin.. yes it is true that his dick might be to big to go in you because your a virgin so that means your hole is really really tight and when he fits it in there yes it is gonna hurt a bit... , also it all depends on him how long have you been with him you dont want to give it up to early because he will loose respect for you thats what happens to me when a girl gives up to quick ... take your time and be sure that when you give it up to him you know hes the right guy and that you actually love him and he loves you because a girls virginity is something big to think about what if you break up with this guy and the next guy your with is upset that you let another guy touch you?... idk you know just think things over.
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (25 June 2009):
 Like a peacock strutting about in its colorful plumage, your boyfriend's reasoning was just a blatant display of male ego- very tied to sexual parts and performance.
Are you a virgin? One aunt on here, Satindesire, volunteered her time to write a very informative article about losing your virginity:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
When you are anxious, tense, or fearful- your muscles contract which will make penetration difficult until you are more relaxed. If you are a teenager, you may not be emotionally or physically ready to engage in sex and you should never feel pressured, or like you'll lose your boyfriend, because you won't have sex with him. Your body may be giving you an important cue that you are not ready for the emotions and changes in the relationship that inevitably proceed sex. Every female is different so don't let what other girls are doing influence your choices, honor yourself and what your body is telling you.
It's very important that you have a double method of prevention (condom and birth control) before you even consider having sex. Even with these preventative measures, you can still get pregnant and contract an STD since neither are 100% fool proof. They just considerably lower the risks. If he's not a virgin, I would make sure he was tested for any STDs because any fluid contact will put you at risk and many STDs show no visible symptoms.
Deciding to have sex, at any age, carries a big responsibility. It's very important to discuss if you do end up pregnant, what each of your views are on abortion/adoption/keeping the baby and whether you would want marriage as a result or be comfortable raising the child on your own and his participation. Too many relationships are ruined over failure to discuss this very issue and a lot of heartache follows when an accidental pregnancy results in custody battles, abandonment, and so forth- many posts come in surrounding this very thing. If he is too freaked out to even discuss this, then he is not someone you want to have sex with, okay? That will tell you how irresponsible he's going to be in regards to you and your emotions as a girfriend and as a human being.
If he's been your boyfriend for a long time, say a year, and you are very close and have built a lot of trust, sex may bring you closer. If any of the above is lacking, sex will do the opposite. If he is not in love with you and has not earned you trust and not shown how he loves you with his actions, not words, then having sex with him will only make you feel empty and he will start taking you for granted. You, in turn, will feel more attached to him and this will be very hurtful and devastating. Females become more emotionally tied to the person they have sex with than males in general.
I'm very glad you are asking these questions NOW before jumping into sex like you were about to do. The advice I gave you applies to anyone at any age and it's advice I follow myself because women, not men, are the ones that get pregnant and ultimately carry the responsibility in this department because of our biology. We simply have more at risk by having sex than men. It only takes one time having sex to result in a life sentence or a death sentence so it's not a decision to be taken lightly.
Please think through these things very carefully and have those discussions with your boyfriend before you even make a decision. Take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): More than likely, you are not aroused enough, and are not lubricating. If you are afraid or nervous, and also recently a virgin, don't worry these things take time.
It's probably hard for your boyfriend to hear that he's not this enormous sex monster, but he might appreciate some guidance. Don't do anything that you are not comfortable with. If you have doubts, just wait until you feel more confidant.
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A
female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (25 June 2009):
 Is his dick bigger than a baby? I didn't think so. Guys can get all pompous about shit like that, it's actually really lame of them to do so. If he can't fit it in then it's more than likely that you have vagismus, a condition in which the pelvic floor muscles constrict really tightly, making penetration sometimes impossible. Doctors can recommend relaxation techniques, etc. or prescribe a mild sedative.
Sex will change your reltationship, depending on the guy he is it will either be good, or bad.
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