A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My question is actually dealing with a break up...My ex broke up with me about a month ago because he needed to be alone to work on himself. We dated for 10 months and lived together for 8 months. I tried evrything to make it work and he just wouldn't listen. He has issues in the past of hurting women emotionally and I wanted to be the one to fix him. Now, a month later I'm trying to move on and I can't stop thinking about him. I want to contact him and ask why he needed to end things, he told me he wanted to be alone yet he slept with someone a week after seeing me and now he is onto the next woman..I know I should hate him but I can't. Would should I do? Try to get answers so I can move on or deal with it and wait and never get the answers?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): I am sorry you are going through a breakup. Those are the worst ever and we all go through it at one time or another in our lives.
You already know this guy has some issues with women and hurting them emotionally. You can't fix someone else, they can only do that for themselves.
It is obvious that this young dude is not done playing the field and even though he stuck it out with you for 10 months when you did everything you could to fix him, it was time for him to go and move on, it was just too much work for him...he just likes the fun part and probably the sex.
You are better off with out an immature guy like this. If what you are wanting is a relationship, chose someone more mature and worth your time next time and you don't have to work so hard if the relationship is healthy, it will be difficult to drive a good guy a way.
Focus on yourself and move on to something and someone better suited for you.
A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (24 July 2009):
Well, what it sounds like is: Him telling you that he wanted to break up with you to work on himself is probably something that he thought might make the breakup a bit easier for you. It could also be that by working on himself, he meant having a bit more freedom before finally settling down. And he's moving from girl to girl, so i think from an emotional standpoint he still IS "alone", ya know?I actually give him credit for actually breaking up with you BEFORE sleeping around. Alot of guys would try to have their cake and eat it to, if you know what i mean. Think what would hurt more, this or being cheated on?I think the sensible thing to do is not pursue answers right now. You know the old adage:If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.It sucks. I know. You just have to be patient. If you push the issue and pursue him, you just might drive him away for good.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): You deserve answers and there's nothing wrong with asking for them. You need the closure in order to move on otherwise you will be living in hurt and confusion.
~sy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): looking forward to see what advice your given as i have also been in an identical situation
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A
female
reader, specialk1964 +, writes (24 July 2009):
As hard as it may seem, he has moved on and you should try to do the same. Unfortunately, people only change when they want to change. It is very difficult for us to change people. My advice is that you keep the good memories, do something that makes you happy and focus on yourself. When you are happy, the right man will find you. There is no sense in wasting your time wondering what if and why when he has made his choice.You deserve to be with someone that cares about you and wants to be with you, and not hurt you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Ex girlfriend did the same thing to me. I was engaged though she just wanted to move on and be nice about it. I would recommend moving on. Find something to do or go meet some new people. If you want him back you are making a mistake, if he takes you back he will use this as a legit excuse to cheat without cheating which is not right.
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