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He only wants to see me when he's drinking

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 June 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 9 July 2009)
A female New Zealand age 36-40, anonymous writes:

To put things basicly, i really liked this guy but he didnt know me so i txted him. I went to his house and thought he was real nice. We ended up sleeping together that first time. So things went on and I went to see him whenever he asked me around. I thought he was so nice - he treated me like I was his girlfriend.. he would give me big cuddles and say the nicest things to me.

He didnt try sleep with me every time I saw him so i thought that may not be the reason he wants to see me. So i started liking him more and more.

I was wondering why he wouldnt ask me to be his girlfriend and He pissed me off one night so I threatened that I cant do this anymore (hoping he would protest) but he said maybe its a good idea because he doesnt want to hurt me. My plan totally backfired - i couldnt stand the thought of not seeing him again so I apologised and patched things up. Now it seems he only wants to see me when hes drunk. He only contacts me when hes been drinking. If i txt him he wont reply. I feel pathetic coz Im hanging out for a txt from him. If he asks me to come over I tell myself that I wont, but every time I do go.

I know what my problem is. I feel like a need a guy to make me feel wanted.

When he doesnt reply to me it makes me feel stupid and very sad - like Im not good enough.

Guys seem to like me.. they tell me so. But Im just not enough to ask me to be thier girlfriend? It seems every guy just wants something casual - not serious. I feel like I have to accept the casual thing or get nothing at all. Is it the guys or am i doing something wrong? Is there something wrong with me?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009):

this is all too common i guess. this is exactly what i'm going through and it's been almost a year. granted, he's not drunk every time we hang out but he is more often than not...another problem is, i love him and i've tried deleting him from the phone, internet, etc. but we always make some sort of a mends, things will be ok for a while and then it's the same ole song and dance. another thing added on, is he only wants to see me at his convenience, and that's usually VERY late at night and/or early morning. it's a really hard thing to go through. i think i've broken things off a few times and i can't make him understand why i break things off...he questions it and somehow makes me feel like it's my fault! (but of course i know that it's not) i guess i just feel like maybe he'll change and realize how great he has it with me or something. i have no clue what to do myself, i just find it interesting that this happens to a lot of people (apparently).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009):

he is just not that into you. if he wanted you he would want to see you whenever no matter what he was doing. DRUNK OR SOBER. trust me i only wasted 6 months with a guy who did the same thing almost the exact thing. honey there is nothing wrong with you. just go out and find that guy who isnt a drunk d*ckhead. you deserve so much more not just a casual f*ck buddy. delete his number and all that jazz. when he comes running to you dont make your self avalible! its is easier said then done.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009):

If a guy sleeps with a woman on the first date, she's a slag to him, that's all. She is certainly not "girlfriend" material. This is the Iron Law of Dating. You know what your problem is. If you have no self-respect, don't expect anyone else to treat you with respect.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2009):

"I know what my problem is. I feel like a need a guy to make me feel wanted.

When he doesnt reply to me it makes me feel stupid and very sad - like Im not good enough."

I don't think it's a problem. We all (or at least I do) feel like that if someone just flatly doesn't reply like that. And we all want a guy who makes us feel wanted - that feeling is amazing right?

The problem is the guy. He's not interested in you. He just wants you for fun time aka when he's drunk. But he avoids spending extra time with you when he's sober and when he can think properly (or not, if he's really that stupid, you know what I mean).

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