A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. There is this guy who I was "friends with benefits" with. Stupidly, I lost my virginity to him and after several months, I told him I couldn't do it anymore which is when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He even introduce me as his girlfriend to his friends and said that he really want to get to know me, so we should lay off the sex. A week later, I called him and he said that he didnt want a girlfriend right now and needed to focus on getting into law school, since his grades are really low. He sounded so sad on the phone and said that he doesnt want to lose me and that we should remain friends. But i know that he will try to use me for sex again and I cant trust him because he has hurt me so much. Now, it is really hard for me to focus, have fun and most importantly eat! I feel like there is something wrong with me and my body which is why he doesnt want to be with me and i cant eat because of this. I feel that if I lose weight, he will want me back, seeing how good I look. I feel like none of my friends will understand so I just keep it bottled up inside and I have no one to talk to. People say that there are plenty of other "fish" in the sea but it seems like I will never find mine. Please help me! I cant starve myself anymore!!
View related questions:
lose weight, lost my virginity Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): didn't ask the same question not too long ago lol
sweetie the answer's still the same, he's just not that into you commitment wise, he's just wants you as a booty call, leave him alone, you don't need him find someone who's willing give you what you deserve! If not then you deserve every game he plays and every mind fuck gives you!
A
female
reader, jh23  +, writes (15 October 2008):
Hey girl,
Wow you are exactly the same as me! Every time a guy breaks my heart or I feel one slipping away from me I stop eating both because I'm miserable and because I think on some level this will win them back.
From experience I know know this:
a) makes me more miserable because I'm not eating enough calories to sustain my mood and energy levels. The less you eat the iller you feel and the less enery and appetite you have so it becomes harder to eat. Is a viscious cycle.
b) yes, makes you lose weight, which either:
- if you are skinny to start with makes you TOO skinny and look anorexic so no decent guy will fancy you in that state
- or even if you don't become underweight, the fact that you've lost a few pounds is going to make no difference to the way this guy feels about you. And if it did make a difference, that guy is not worth the trauma and effort needed.
There's not a lot I can do, short of telling you that you do need to eat, which I know doesn't help. I'm borderline anorexic myself, so I do know what you're going through. I've had guys telling me I'm too fat and too thin. Now I just (try to!) think I don't care what they think, they should love me for who I am or get the hell out.
It sounds like this guy was using you for sex. He may not have intended to hurt you, but he definately doesn't seem to want a girlfriend at the moment. Basically wants to get laid without commitment or emotional attachment. This has nothing to do with you. If you continue to sleep with him you'll still be emotionally attached so you won't put yourself on the market for other "fish" so I would recommend you break off contact with him.
First and foremost though you need to be happy in your own skin. What is your daily calorie intake? How much weight have you lost? When I was in recovery I drank slim-fast milkshakes as a meal supplement when I couldn't eat. (Not to lose weight!) Probably protein shakes would be better.
Talk to friends, family or anyone else who can help and tell them what's going on if you can. If your friends know how you're feeling they will listen and try and help you I'm sure!
Good luck hon
xx
...............................
|
