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*ustavia
writes:Hello, i've been friends with this guy for years (10+)since HS. we finally slept together this summer. it was great for him, (guys can't fake it 4x in one long hot summer day, can they?) good for me (i wasn't as fulfilled, even tho he tried his best, i faked it good). but i love him and so i continue to sleep with him and give him amazing times, me? still not so much, but i think it has something to do with his lack of acknowledging to our friends and family that we have moved up a level in our relationship. he insists we are a couple, but isn't ready to break the news to family. i am so confused. he was a great friend for so long, and first person i would go to if i had a problem such as this; i gave him an ultimatum the last time we slept together, and he asked me to give him time because he's never been in a committed relationship (true). i care for him so much and everytime we get together it's fun, and sweet, and i love making him happy. we talk about everything, everyday, even this, but i hold on and hope... yet now i am beginning to suspect it's hopeless. should i wait it out? or should i put an end to the benefits? Reply to this Question
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reader, Ellis74  +, writes (6 November 2006):
Hi. Just a quick input from someone in the same boat! I have been friends with my boyfriend for 2/3 years and we have, after plenty of patience on my part, finally got together a month ago. All my friends and family were told straight away and all his friends know too but not his mum. It has nothing to do with wanting to hide me away. His mum absolutely adores me but all his past girlfriends he has never bothered telling her about because they never lasted that long. He is a very shy guy when it comes to his emotions and I don't think he finds it easy talking about it. He has promised me he will tell her and I believe him and am being patient just like I was when we were just friends and i wanted to be more. I agree that in a small way too that this is a commitment issue but if you love him as much as I love my fella you will give him time and have faith in him to do this. Good luck hun x
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reader, gustavia +, writes (5 November 2006):
gustavia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the insights, they are greatly appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): I disagree, the fact that he is hiding you from his family spells trouble for you in that he is not really ready for a committed relationship...my guess is that he is comfortable having sex with you and likes the relationship just as it is, friends with benefits.....and may be deciding if he likes being exclusive with just you, is he or do you even know if you are the only one he is having sex with?
Ultimatums don't often work, but if he is asking for more time, then I would give it to him, but I would stop having sex with him because it sounds to me like he is hiding you from his friends and family because he wants to stay single .... he ought to be taking you out on dates and spending money on you and showing you off, maybe a month of hibernation is OK, but no more than that....if he doesn't come around, start dating, not sleeping with other men, that should get his attention, and if it doesn't then good riddance....sorry to be so blunt, but hey you asked.
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reader, x..Becky..x +, writes (5 November 2006):
 I'd wait it out hun.. I'm sure your man is just waiting for the right time to break it to his family.. maybe he's just a shy guy, let it run its course. Try talking to him a lot more about it and ask him whats his main concern about telling his family.. see if that helps, if you really love him, whether he tells his family or not shouldn't be a big issue, he will tell them when he feels ready.. Good luck angel x
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