A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a huge dilemma. I have had an online relationship/frienship with a man overseas for over four years now on and off. It has been an intense relationship both sexually and emotionally over the internet. He started to call me all the time. To this day we still speak and hes still telling me that he loves me etc. Its finally been planned that hes going to finally come and see me in a few months. As much as I have always been crazy about him, deep down I've always had my doubts that there was something intuitively not right with what he had been telling me. To cut a long story short, after years of not knowing where I stood and sleepless night of 'what if' stress, my suspicians have finally been confirmed after finding his wife that he denied all along on my space. I feel soooooo relieved I could jump up and down with joy that I can now move on with my life now I know the truth and how much he has selfishly lied to me and put my life so much on hold for his own ego gain. But now all I feel is extreme hurt for her. She has built her life with this man. It makes me sick to my stomach that he has been doing this to her and me all this time, especially seeing he has children also. Should I write and tell her? Confront him with the link and make him feel like the fool for once? Or just move on quietly like I never knew and never speak to him again?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): I would write to her. Ive had this happen and as a woman, we NEED to know. Given that you didnt sleep with him and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, it shouldnt be to hard. You are overseas and he lives with her. She deserves to know because hes going to do it again with someone else and it may go further with sex. You could prevent that by telling his wife.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Let him know that you know he has been lieing to you & that you feel sorry for his wife & kids, then never talk to him again. His wife will find out about his way on her own if she doesn't already know.
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A
female
reader, charleston_belle  +, writes (11 September 2007):
 I defenitely would NOT contact his wife in any way! Believe me, she probably already knows he's unfaithful anyway and what good is it to tell her? The best thing you could do is steer clear of this jerk and move on to a more satisfying relationship that actually has a future for you! I assure you, you're not the only "online" person he's chatting with and there is really no telling what else he is doing. Just be glad you can get out of this easily...his poor wife is really the one I feel sorry for!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): Don't do it! You will just lose your own pride and dignity. Your hurt will not stop, because you have hurt others in revenge. Keep you head high and never speak to this man again. Feel happy that at least you have seen the real him and that you haven't lost very much afterall.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): What you are suggesting is revenge - pure and simple. The greatest revenge would be for you to cut off all ties with this selfish man and I assure you he will be left a wreck. You see you've been propping him up, keeping his boring marriage alive and well all this time - without you he is a weak little man. Telling his wife is not, I'm afraid, your responsibility and may lead to a greater involvement in the fight and further humiliation to you. Keep your dignity and learn from this - thankfully you have not wasted any more years. Learn to trust your instincts more and earlier on - don't ignore the 'gut feeling' about someone again. It is for the wife to find out on her own not from you - or it is for him to tell her. Let it go and move on - it makes you the bigger person for doing so.
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