A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm not sure what i should do here my male friend tells me he likes me very much and we have an intermate relationship and we are not seeing anyone else, but after all these yrs he say as much as he likes me and has feelings for me he cannot make love to me oh we have sex often but i want to have the feeling of being made love to not feel like i'm only having a roll in the hay.Why does this man say he only wants to be with me yet can't find it in his heart to make love like 2 people should that care for each other ,he tells me he misses me and doesn't want to loose me yet he will not say he loves me,i feel like i'm wasting my time with this man and maybe i should move on, but i do care for him very much and it's going to be a difficult thing for me to do but i think after all the yrs we have been together i deserve to have him make love to me, I really don't know why it's such a problem for him.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 It's a problem for him because your a friend with benefits and not a girlfriend or a partner. Even if youve done your best to convey your feelings and you love him, he doesn't feel the same way. Its a bit like having chopped liver and wishing it was fillet steak...he's never going to be fillet steak because he's chopped liver and always will be.
He wont necessarilly go off with someone else and he may remain with you in this 'convienience friendship' forever, but he is obvioulsy emotionally unavailable.
Its weird but i have a guy friend who ive known for about 6 years. He has been in sexual relationships with two women in this time but says he will never commit because he likes his life as it is.
If it truly is just a friendship that he wants then withdraw the sex, tell him your going to start dating to find the love of your life but you'd like to remain his friend whilst your looking...it's only fair that you be free you give your love to someone more receptive if he isnt interested in that way. You can still care for him and support him but you dont need to be having sex and getting yourself all twisted in knots.
If it's not suiting you, then change the dynamic, your a single woman with your own power to change your life...don't be lead further into something that will never go anywhere.
with love
AE xx
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