A
female
age
51-59,
*issniss
writes:HiI have a problem and I'm hoping others have come across it and have some advice. My boyfriend, who, when we first met, wanted to never get married or have children have just decided maybe he does. And if he does, he wants to marry someone who, a: never been married and b: never had children. I am neither of these, hence to say, we broke up. He still tells me he loves me but because of these thoughts can not be with me until he is sure he doesn't want children etc. He refuses to look into why he is so set against being a second husband or step father. I have explained it could stem from some insecurities he may have, he's very good looking and confident but I am a model and get a lot of attention everywhere we go. Please help. I love him and this is tearing me to pieces.
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female
reader, Nissniss +, writes (25 August 2008):
Nissniss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answer, I never saw that it may be a whole committment issue, just put it down to selfish me me me syndrome. I have decided to call it a day and wait for someone worth my time to come into my life instead of this holding pattern I'm in, waiting for him to find his way back to me. :-(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2008): Your friend is saying that he doesn't want you as the mother of his children because you were married and have children. You say that he refuses to look into why he feels like this, even when you suggest why it might be. This tells me that he doesn't feel strongly enough about you to want to change for you. He has a dream of a woman with no past with whom it would all be straightforward, rather than dealing with the reality of complicated you, and his messy feelings. You need to tell him to choose: either he wants to be with you, just as you are, or he wants something else. Which is it?
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