| A
female
,
*eeley
writes: Am I being paranoid or is he finishing with me? I met a guy a few months ago and to cut a long story short we seem to hit it off great; then unfortunately he had a family breavement and since then we seem to have grown apart. I keep thinking he is with someone else. Although my heart tells me he is not, as it does not seem physically possible for him to be stretched so much by family friends and a new relationship. He went away a week ago to down time from everyone and last week took his son on holiday. He has been back 2 days now and still hasn't contacted me in over 2 weeks. My heart is breaking but I refuse to call him, as it seems that I am doing all the chasing and seeing if he is ok at times he doesn't reply to my text messages or phone calls. Is this over or should I try one more time? Please help. I feel so lost and no one understands me.
View related questions:
on holiday, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Daemon Velvet +, writes (13 August 2006):
Dear Keely,This is clearly a very difficult time for you both and it sounds like your emotions and feelings are being sidelined by his grief.What I would also say is that grief is a very difficult emotion to deal with and understand because everyone handles it differently. At the moment it seems like he is shutting you out from his life and his emotions. Sometimes when a bereavement occurs it makes people focus their minds in on those who they view as closest to them - in his case perhaps his son and other family members. That said though, it does not mean that you should be sidelined. He may well not be doing very much at all - he may just not be able to cope with going out and seeing people and being asked how he is feeling. If it were me I would try one more time. This is because I have to admit I'm the sort of person who likes to know where I stand - even if I don't want to hear about the outcome I can deal with things better if I know. I would suggest you call him and try to arrange a meeting so that you can talk to him. Whilst confronting the situation is no doubt a scary prospect it's got to be better than sitting by the phone waiting for it to ring.Hopefully he will agree to meet up and talk. You can then meet up in a coffee house or restaurant or something to discuss things on a neutral and non-confrontational basis. You can then discuss the fact that whilst you understand he has been through a lot and needs time to think you also need to know whether you are a part of his life. The other option you have if he really does not want to talk is suggesting that you go and do something fun to get to see him and see how he is with you i.e. going to a fair or a zoo or going go-kart racing (he could bring his son)?If he does not want to meet then you can leave it and say that if he needs you that you'll be there for him but that it will be up to him to call. My advice would definitely be to call - at least then you will know. Even if your worst fears are confirmed you can then move on with your life without the "what if" thought always running through your head. Also the more you think about the worse scenarios you will play out in your head. If in doubt as well - get yourself out of the house and active - see if you can meet one of your friends for a walk or a jog - get some fresh air and clear your head - it really will do you the world of good!I hope this has been helpful and I do really feel for you - not knowing what has gone on and being left with your own thoughts is the worst feeling in the world. Best wishes and I hope that things work out the way you want them to. Stay strong and positive xxx
|
