A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hello I need your help here. I have been dating this guy for a little bit more than 4 months. He is by nature very sweet with me, and he does everything to makes me happy. He is a very quiet guy, he doesn't get mad, and in general as I said before very sweet. We live a little bit more than 2 hours appart and we see each other during the weekend normally sundays, cause we both have really tight schedules. Whe have shared that we both have strong feelings for each other, and he is normally very concerned about my health because I don't have very good health. We have hang out with his 2 closest friends, and at the begining I was not confortable to have sex so quick so he was able to wait 3 months to have sex with me. The problem comes when this guy said that he is starting to feel extremelly attached to myself, and he is affraid that this will reach a point where he won't be able to controll his feelings and then he will lost freedom, because he will be emotionally dependent of other person, in this case myself. I do noticed that he repress himself a lot, I mean repress his feelings, and he does told me that he has never feel with anyone else so good as he feels with me, and that he is experimenting new emotions with me. The problem is that he say that he is in a duality because he doesn't know what he wants, one part of himself wants to be with me 24 hours and the other one wants to be free and tries to don't think about me that much. So I am in a point that I don't know if this guy will ever change, i don't want to be in a relationship where the guy is repress and is not able to feel well with myself. I always try to express to him how important he is for me, but I guess this is not enough, what is wrong with this guy? does anyone has pass for this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): I know how he feels. It isn't nice. Its painful - emotional pain and suffering.
He seems like a very caring man. Maybe you should do the same. Obviously he's getting obsessed which isn't good at all.
You need to give it everything before you decide to break up. Thats the only way you'll know whether he will ever change or not. You need to bring him off obsession, which me myself hasn't actually got over with yet so we're all learning!
Do something erratic, something very over the top to express how much you care about him and how important he is to you. But at the same time try saying how much it needs to slow down because your being put off (whatever else there is).
With a bit of communication you just need to try and slow him down.
If this doesn't work, say you need to go on a break, and leave it and him alone for some weeks for him to get over the obsession. Obsession is compared to addiction in my eyes. So if you take away the addict, he'll eventually realize he needs to replace it - e.g. going out with friends or buying his time.
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