A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I split up with my boyfriend about 5 months ago because it was not working and we were forever arguing. I didn't know what else to do, and even though I didn't want to, i felt it was the best idea at the time, as we were both very unhappy. My boyfirend did not agree and tryed to get me back for ages. But I stood my ground. After 5 months I have had a lot of time to grow up and think about things. We kept in contact and had a good friendship but I knew I needed to try it again and see if we could work.We have started going back out and It's very weird. We are both unsure how we feel and It doesn't feel the same. He doesn't know if he wants too be with me and says he liked being single. He wants to see how our relationship goes. But I really want to make it work.Has anyone got any ideas on how to make up his mind? or ideas to show him how much I care or will change for him. Romatic gestures or fun ideas to show him how much I love him.Thank youx
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female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (27 August 2008):
 It's very natural for you and him to feel this way. You two broke up in unfriendly terms and even though you became friends after, the break up wasn't agree between the two of you.
So I think he might feel resentful. After all, he tried unsuccessfully to get you back and it took you 5 months to realize you wanted him, when it only took him the minute the two of you separated. He may not be aware of this, though, and it's only unconscious and I even bet he's confused by all of this.
So it's going to be really hard for you to convince him right now, but you can keep on trying by having conversations with him. In those conversations, talk about the two of you and your relationship. Also, encourage him to be as honest as possible and you be honest too. If something he says hurts you, try to take it as gracefully as possible and don't make a scene (you have matured, so it won't be much of a problem). By doing this, it will also create a bond between the two of you that is missing right now.
As for romantic gestures, you could try to not be overbearing and give him space. Like if he wants to go with his friends, don't get mad. Don't nag to him a lot nor point out his mistakes too often. You could also hug and kiss him often, and try to do it everyday if you can. On the phone, often tell him that you love him or that he means a lot to you, and mean it. Try, at first, to not expect him to return all of this back because it might be hard for him to adjust, but if for a reasonable time he isn't romantic to you, then talk to him about it.
Remember to always communicate with him. The reason why you fought so much is for lack of communication between the two of you. So if you have a problem, try to talk to him about it.
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