A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i am 52 and dont know how to get him from under my skin. I was seeing a man for three years and then found out six months ago he was still in love with his ex and had been telling her he wanted to get back with her, i broke down when i found out and ended up in hospital with the stress, i had two stents put in my arteries to my heart, my friends contacted him and told him how poorly i was, he has contacted me and sent flowers but he admitted to me what he did, has been honest finally and said he wasnt in love with me and would still like to see me as a friend, the thing is i gave him my heart and i cant get over the devastation of it all, i am actually dying, not just saying this but it has had such an impact on my health its unbelievable! the weight loss etc I have children, the youngest 18 and he is still at home and i feel i am going to deprive them of a mothers love too early because of this man, i gave myself to him so how do i ungive myself to him, he has offered to take me to the coast for the day this weekend, i have accepted but will it kill me more or give me the strength to face up to it, i want to end it and have closure but i cant let go, i dont have many friends and my children have their own lives, he is in my head 24 hours of the day..... God give me the strength please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2010): Dear Lady
at this age, does it make sense for you to seek lovers. And this is what will happen if you do that.
Do u have kids and grand kids, spend time with them to reduce the pain.
Find some other activities and interest than finding the next boy friend.
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 OMG don't go to the coast with him. You are just adding acid to the cut doing that. Enlist the support of everyone you know and literally cry on their shoulders until you get this man out of your system. Make a complete and clean break from him. Leaving in dribs and drabs is what's killing you. Try to fill your life up with some other new activities i.e. walking, book club, cooking class etc. Pour your love into your children and talk to them about how you feel. Go to therapy if you can afford it. Talking about things that hurt releases it and usually you don't become ill that way. It's bottling things up that causes problems.
Best of luck to you dig down deep and find your inner strength to move on gracefully. Book yourself a day in a spa and have a makeover too, this does wonders.
Lots of love to you we've all been there too.
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A
male
reader, A Man  +, writes (7 April 2010):
This man betrayed your trust. Your love for him should have decreased significantly at the news. It sounds to me like what you have for him now is obsession. There is a difference between love and obsession. Since you no longer trust him, it's obvious that these powerful feelings you have for him are obsession. If I had to guess I'd say you have abandonment issues. Maybe you were abandoned by another man, or a father-figure. Either way you feel desperate to not be abandoned again which is why you can't stop thinking about him.It sounds to me that the level of your obsession is beyond the norm. It's affecting your health substantially. You need a clean break. First, you need to call him and tell him that he betrayed your trust, that he's not a good person, and that you don't want to see him again.It will be very hard, but as time passes, it will become easier. This will be the same as any type of addictive behavior. You will feel empty and depressed for a while, but you will start to feel better, more independent, and gain a better self-esteem.I HIGHLY recommend seeing a professional therapist. They aren't just for crazies, I promise. They can help normal people through normal circumstances. He'll help you understand yourself better, and why you do the things you do. He will help you create a plan to slowly forget this jerk. If money is an issue, there are several opportunities available to get it for cheap or even free through government plans, school/work, etc. Ask around. Also, many therapists are more concerned about getting people help, they can work out something with you, they just want to you get help.Well, good luck in your new life and may peace be with you.
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