A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I dont know if anyone has been in the same situation as me but would love to hear what you say....I'm 23 have been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, we met on the first day of uni and have stuck together since. We live together in London im currently looking for a job but work part time a few days a week, my boyfriend has set up his own business and works from home, he has named his business after me which i take as a huge compliment, he works very hard all hours of the day which is fine hes trying to make a living so i dont tend to see very much of him, he usually comes home (he works on site too hes working in property) around 2am im asleep in bed then hes back to work again at 8am to one of his properties to manage the work, this happens every day of the week - 7 days. A few years ago he got us a day out for dry slope skiing which we havent managed to do yet, so i've suggested he take a day off and we go for the day, i've suggested he takes the day off on many occasions so we can go and do different stuff together but i always get the same response 'i cant ive got so much on' so a few days ago he says 'oh by the way i'm going to Thorpe Park (roller coaster park) next week with gina and her sister (gina is an old friend he had from his school days and his sister is an old flame who i do have a sort of a problem with because she is someone from his past but have to accept that they are friends because he is quite close to their family and he has said on previous occasions no one is going to stop me from seeing them - fair enough).My problem is how can he manage to take the day off to spend time with them but when i ask, all i get is 'i cant i've got so much to do...'I have approached the problem with him but he says 'they are my friends i need to keep up relationships and i see you every day' but he doesn't i see him for a few hours a day if im lucky he's just too busy, i usually have dinner alone and leave some for him in the fridge for when he gets back, but the only way i can see him is if i go around with him the whole day which i cant do i have other commitments too...he doesn't seem to understand!!! same thing if i say im going down to my mums for the weekend....'i cant' i say well your laptop is connected to your main computer so you can access your files wherever and bring your laptop down and work from that? He says 'no it doesnt work like that' ok fine so i go down to my mums for the weekend and log onto 'find my iphone' (which i've found quite handy so i know where he is and if he might be home early - unlikely) and i notice that he's gone over to his parents and hes working there on his laptop and stays the night - excuse me but how is he able to take his work over there and not come down to my mums? Obviously i cant approach this subject because he will know that i've tracked him, which i know is not good and i need to stop doing i know its bad but i do it occasionally.... please help, i'm running out of ideas.... i dont know if i should take time out and let him be and see if he comes running to me because at the moment it feels like i'm doing all the chasing.thanksx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 May 2013):
 I don't know if you have your own career dream, but perhaps you can share his burden of work since you are the name of the business? Like being his assistant, accountant or whatever?
I would only tolerate the lack of attention right now if he has his future set on you two, like you are building an empire and family together. So you are not just a part time girlfriend/sex partner that he takes for granted. What you are looking for is a sense of partnership, the feeling of specialness that glues you together. Sacrificing the now for a greater future together, rather than fighting about a relationship that goes nowhere. As his business grows big you can hire more people so you have more time for each other. If you work with him and not against his project there is a better chance he will consider marriage in the future. Of course the basic thing he has to understand is the importance to nurture a relationship. Without good times it's hard to survive bad times with nothing to come back to. Whether you want to marry him too depends on whether he can fulfill your needs when he has no more excuses, since one can only overwork for so long.
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