A
female
age
41-50,
*arenbtheprincess
writes: I was dating a man for 3 months, we both are separated with children and things progressed fast. Both said "I love yous" and began talking about future plans, etc. Both know we were perfect for one another. The separation with his wife was becoming nasty, with her involving their children. She went so far as to make their son say, "Daddy don't make me and mommy homeless". That killed him, and began to think he was selfish to want to spend his life with me. Out of the blue, he says that he needs clarity to make the right decision regarding the separation and that I cloud his judgement and wants to be friends. He has numerous times told me in both conversation, email and IM that the only reason he is confused is because of the children, not his wife and if there were no children, there would be no question, and he would be with me and we would be together to start a life that he dreamt about. Well, to make a long story short, even though we "broke up", we talk, text, email, IM everyday, and we won't go a day without talking. I have told him that we need time apart, he refuses and contacts me. For example, I just had emergency surgery and then got very sick after, and he was talking to me for hours. We saw each other after work and both resisted kissing. I actually asked him point blank about it he said restraining from kissing you was the hardest thing he has ever done. I feel in my gut, and I can't explain it, that we are not over. He is my best friend, and lover and yes, I want him back. As weird as it sounds, I know he feels the same. When I say we talk everyday, we do. Help! Does it sound as though its over and that he only wants us to be friends? Or give it time and that it really isn't over? Any male advice is greatly appreciated. What should I do? Stay friends? Stop talking all together?
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female
reader, karenbtheprincess +, writes (16 March 2010):
karenbtheprincess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Kayla20,
I have asked him directly and told him, that I feel its for the best that we not contact each other anymore. He says that isnt what he wants, ever. He also said that he loves me and that he knows we would be perfect together, and that he never wants me out of his life. He says that he knows nothing will change in his marriage, and that this is his final try for the children and for everyone to know that he tried everything in his power.
For the record, we have not been intimate since we broke up, although we have been restraining...and he has said that restraining from me is the hardest thing that he has ever done and being in my arms is the place he needs to be.
I have had major emergency surgery last week and he was the only person who called for me, or for that matter gave a rats butt about me.
In regards to his children, I think the dedication to his children was one of the things that I fell in love with. Never have I ever once expected him to choose between me or his children. I have even gone so far as to tell him that I love him enough to let him go and find his happiness even if that happiness isnt with me, and after 3 weeks post break up, we are still meet (not everyday), we still talk, IM, email everyday. I gave him many doors to walk/run out from our relationship and he won't, and says that he will always be here and that I cant get "rid of him that easy". I am confused, and right now, I am kinda going with the flow I guess so to speak.
We do talk every day, and yes the flirtatious sexual tension side pops up all the time, always present...Something I know deep inside it isnt over, ask me how I know, I couldn't tell you, something in my gut says its not over.
I guess its a confusing situation and I need advice. ANY ADVICE is greatly appreciated. My question is...Should I stay as status quo right now, be friends? I dont think at this moment an ultimatium is appropriate, what should I do?
Thank you in advance for your help, I need it.
A
female
reader, karenbtheprincess +, writes (16 March 2010):
karenbtheprincess is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Kayla20, I have asked him point blank that...The "where does that leave us" question, and he says, "I love you, and you are the only thing next to my children that brings light into my dark life, and I never want to loose you" he then goes on to say that the "power" I have over him is mind bloggling and needs to know that he separating for the right reasons, and not selfish ones. First, I will clarify, we have not been initmate since we broke up, and that will stay that way, can't do friends with benefits, period and he knows that. I threw that off the table so remaining friends is actually friends. For the record, many, many times, I have distanced myself from him, to give him "clarity" and space, and what he says, "nice try, I am never going anywhere, and I love you". I have given him many opportunities to walk away, and he won't. This is so confusing.
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A
female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (16 March 2010):
 you need to be honest with him and tell him that if your not going to work out youd rather no now rather than living your life with hope ask him to be honest with you on what he really wants.its sounds to me that he has strong feelings for you but he does have to think about his children which you should be able to understand if i was you id distance myself as its gonna effect your emotional state in the long run if he decides that it isnt going to lead anywhere
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