A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hello..I've been with my fiancee Shaun for almost 3 years. We've had a very rocky relationship, but things have been good for the past year. When he first moved in with me he would visit his parents every sunday. When he returned he was different...angry...I used to go with him, but hey always disapproved of me, so after a while I stopped going with him. He later discovered that his father had molested him when he was young. After this he basically shut down, later he moved back with his parents, which he later told me was because he wanted so much to believe that he was wrong. After a few months apart from me he began to realize that he wasn't crazy, and that what had happened was the truth. After this we got close again, but his parents still disaproved of me, and so they were on him like fleas on a dog, asking him where he went when he went out, checking the milage on his car, rummaging through his desk and looking at receipts. He's 26 years old, so this overly intrusive relationship was always, strange to me.After a few months he moved back with me, He hasn't seen them in a year, and only corisponds with them via Email.Now that the holiday season has approched they want to see him. He says he's forgiven them for the past, but he hasn't seen them yet.My question is, they were always such a strain on our relationship and caused fights. What do I say to him now? Is his seeing them even a good idea?Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry Pica.
:)
I'll clarify, if I can...He was always having these flashbacks, but until the last three years they never gave him enough detail to deduce what had happened...once he moved out of his parents place and in with me the first time, he was able to put the peices together...
He doesn't really have a relationship with any more of his family members, he was in touch with an uncle who would trash me to him, when I confronted the uncle and Shaun told him of the molestation he stopped contact..
A
female
reader, pica +, writes (5 November 2006):
Difficult. I have to say I don't understand "he later discovered that his father had molested him when he was young". Sorry but you mean he's only worked this out in the last 3 years? He didn't remember or he remembered something but didn't know until recently that it was molestation? (Apologies for asking such detail, I am being serious, I am genuinely confused).
It doesn't sound like he has a healthy relationship with them. How is he with other people, other family - is it just his parents that affect him?
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