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anonymous
writes: Hello I have been with my partner for 5 years. We have 2 children which we both are exellent parents to, but we argue all the time and it has never improved. We seem to pick on each other he acts like a giant teenager and all I want is to have a good family life for me and my children. I think I love him, then he upsets me again by swearing at me or being verbally abusive and we set back to square 1. I'm so tired of it. In his defence he has a chauvanist father and in my defence I am from a past of 20-odd foster and adopted homes and children's homes but am very 'normal'. Even taking that into account, I don't have the problems I should. I really want to settle down and be loved but I just don't know if he does. I ask him and he says yes and he does do a lot towards our relationship but he acts like a rude jerk nearly all the time and pushes me to breaking point in front of my kids, which hurts bad.Maybe we are wrong for each other or maybe we should both work it out. Please help us, thank you x Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A reader, Katy Smith, writes (22 February 2005): Hi, well, I have the same problem with my parents and with my boyfriend's parents and with my friend's parents and it goes on to my friends' friend's parents. This is very common in relationships, i.e. people grow appart, which is not a very nice thing to hear but it is true unfortunately. I think that the two of you might need to move on and maybe see other people but it is always a GOOD idea to stay great friends! You seem to have some problems which are quiet bad in a relationship, so just forgive and move on. Good Luck in having the heart to leave and walk away!!!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 February 2005):
 You say you are excellent parents but arguing in front of the children doesn't constitute good parents and you say that your husband pushes you to breaking point in front of the kids. This certainly needs to stop because, as you have implied, an indivdiuals childhood can have a great bearing on their adulthood.Everytime you feel a disagreement is getting out of hand and insults are around the corner, learn to say a special word that you have both agreed before and then walk away. That word can be the code that no matter how angry you are with each other, you have to stop arguing.Also, if either of you have something on your mind, allow the person say 10-15 minutes to air their grievances without the other one saying anything until they have ended what they need to say. You have to try to learn to respect each other and truely listen to each otherWhen you are both calm, seriously discuss what you want from the future. Do you both really want to stay together? Can you still see something positive in each other and do you honestly love each other?You have to consider your children in all this. I don't mean you should stay together for them but think of the impact on them if you continue to argue in this way.I do hope this helps.
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