A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my guy for nearly 5 years and we have lived together now for over a year. I'm 23 and he's 27. I've known i want to marry him, have kids with him and spend the rest of my life with him probably for the last 4 and half years. But I don't think he feels the same way. I've tried to broach the subject several times over the last few years and again last night. It just seems to end up in an arguement. I pour my heart out telling him i known i want to be with him, but all he can say is he's happy the way things are. He won't even say I know i want to spend the rest of my life with you but i don't want to get married yet, i could accept that. I'm just starting to wonder, have i being wasting the last 5 years of my life with this guy when we clearly wants different things or am i being complete unreasonable and should i just continue the way things are? help!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 June 2008):
 Sometimes we are sure we want to marry somebody, but the other person is not. There is no reason why two people would necessarily be at the same point in their relationship at the same time.
I think that perhaps he needs some time to be sure. He is moving in the direction you want, dear poster: he's living with you now. Maybe in another period of time he will want to tie the knot.
You also need to be aware that living together is the real test of compatibility. Maybe he needs to make sure he is absolutely comfortable with it.
I'm not sure you should leave him now. I want to leave the decision to you, however. If I were you, I would wait a bit.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): I have been unhappily married for 14 years. I knew my husband for 6 years before we got married - we married young. Only today, in an argument I asked my husband why he has not made an effort in our marriage and his reply was that he was not ready for the commitment of it (he was 24 at the time). Looking back I can see the signs and I put pressure on him to make a commitment when in actual fact I think we were happiest before we got married. Marriage is not an answer to happiness so tread carefully.
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A
female
reader, Self66  +, writes (29 June 2008):
You have committed so much of your life to this guy. You sound like you deeply care for this man, but he is not responding to your answer. However, he has been with you for a long time so it does show his committment. He has even moved in with you, which is a bigger committment. He may have felt that moving in together is what you wanted, but now the realization that this is serious is freaking him out, especially hearing you talk about marriage, kids, etc...He is in a panic mode. Give him time to absorb one thing at a time. Otherwise, he will freak out altogether and walk away, and this is not what you both want. Man need space, I am in a relatuionship now in which I am giving him his space to think about what he wants. But we also girls need our space as well. While you are giving him his space, go out and be with your friends and have fun. If he does not want to lose you he will sure want to keep you. You both are still very young and have more years before thinking about marriage and kids. Just be together and have fun. This is why you guys have been together for so long.
Men appreciate women who are independent and dont need them. You sound like you are strong and independent and I am sure this is the quality that drew you to him in the first place, so dont lose yourself. If he knows how special you really are he will definately know you are a 'keeper'. So good luck.
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