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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have always been the ugliest everywhere. In family, school, college, everywhere. Neither am I very intelligent. This has led to a low self esteem. I have made peace with the fact that I am really ugly. My question is has anyone ever been through such a thing in their life?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011): I've definitely feel that way...when you spend time with other people, it's virtually impossible NOT to compare yourselves to them and occasionally feel outdone or admire other people's qualities. I think your thoughts are pretty normal except for the superlative quality they've taken on: "Ugliest..."dumbest"....etc.
In a certain way, these sort of thoughts are narcissistic because when you spend so much time telling yourself you are the "ugliest," you are in fact compensating for your own insecurity; you are not addressing it. You call yourself the "ugliest" because it makes you make everyone else revolve around you, you make yourself the center of a universe, even if it puts you into the top echelon of "ugly".
You might protest and say, "No, I'm not a narcissist, I have a low self-esteem", but what I'm trying to convey is that the way you think is no different from a person who goes about thinking they are the "smartest" or the "prettiest"....They don't know how to see themselves as anything other than a superlative and they don't know how to think about themselves without comparing themselves to others.
I don't know if I made that clear or if you catch my drift at all, but it's a personal philosophy about narcissism I have in general...and definitely a belief I practiced myself when I was younger.
The problem with believing these things about yourself, is that one day you'll come across someone who doesn't think about you the same way you feel about yourself. It needn't be a boyfriend. It could be a coworker or a friend. Will you impose that belief upon them even if they don't happen to believe it as well?
Get some counseling. If you choose to see your life this way, you will end up isolating yourself from other people and the rest of the world. People come into the world with gifts and deficits...neither of which are meant to put them above people or below others. You live life with what you're dealt and at the end we aren't memorialized in some roster with rankings...we are memorialized with what we share with others and the love or hate we happened to practice. Excerise your gifts and talents and you should be fine.
A
female
reader, dezzi1210  +, writes (4 April 2011):
There aren't that many people who are 100% confident about themselves and the way they look. I know it's hard to take on board allthe nice things people say about you if you don't belive they're true, and comparing youself to others is such an easy trap to fall into. Trust me, everyone feels that way about themselves, you just need to listen to what people do say about you and try and think more positivly about your appearance or whatever it is that bothers you. It's hard, but people will see your beauty even more when you believe it yourself.
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male
reader, honestman  +, writes (3 April 2011):
As CaringGuy says, you Should get some counseling.Listen. My girlfriend is a very smart, attractive, and sexy girl (at least for me).All her family members are blond with blue/green, while she is the only one that has black hair and grown eyes. All her family have always make her feel bad about that, and she feels like she is the ugliest/dumbest girl in the world [she is now 26].I have brown hair, brown eyes, and I have told her that she is the most beautiful and smart girl I've ever seen [which his totally true!]. I have done everything I could to make her feel good about herself. And girl, this has been a very, very difficult task. We have been in a 4 year relationship, and she has been 26 years conditioned to feel ugly and bad about herself. Her self-esteem is very badly injured. And really, it's driving me nuts trying to persuade her of what she really is. I've done everything I could, without much success. I really DON'T think you are ugly, and I really don't think you are stupid. What you need to do is THINK better about yourself. Say to yourself hundreds of times a day:- I am the most beautiful girl in the world.- I am the smartest girl in the world.Say it until you believe it. Say it every moment to yourself, for at least a month. I bet you'll feel at least a little better about yourself. People see you as you think about yourself. If you think you are ugly, people are going to see you as ugly. Also, some guys are very much attracted to girls with personality. Invest time on yourself. Go to dancing classes, any sport, read a little more about think you are curious about, go to more parties or reunions. Go to libraries/bookstores where there are interesting guys and girls. You'll probably find a man that loves you for what you are, not for what you look like.Also, PLEASE, stop buying those girls magazines, and watching TV. Those information sources are FILLED with FALSE images of how girls should look like, and what a perfect relationship/family should look like. If you don't look like that, it is possible that you are flawed, worthless, and don't deserve to be happy. They bombard you day and night, and they tell you what is beautiful and what is not. Beautiful is being blond, size zero, and young without wrinkles in your face. The truth is, most of those girls on magazines or tv ads are digitally edited to look great. If you don't trust me, just look at what they do to Britney:http://jezebel.com/#!5516186/britneys-unretouched-photos-from-candies-adsIf you don't love yourself as you are, no one else will ever do.I hope this is helpful to you. I wish you good luck in building up your self-esteem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): Yes. I must say my self esteem, even at it's highest, isn't that high. Not to sound big headed but it's not because i don't get complemented, i do quite frequently, i just don't take on board what they're saying or believe them really.
I think there comes a time when you just have to realise you are who you are and comparing yourself to other people is pointless because we're all different.
I'm sure you're not ugly at all. The only thing that makes a person ugly is there personality and attitude. Even the most good looking person can lose their attractiveness if they are lacking in a kind personality.
Judging by your age, you have been feeling this way a long time and that isn't healthy. Most teenagers grow out of feeling inferior but some people have much deeper issues going on. I think you should see a therapist, somebody who can can you deal with your self esteem issues because everyone deserves to be happy.
Just remember, you are just as beautiful as them and nobody is better than you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2011): Yes, everyone has at one time felt that way. There are a lot of people that always feel that way too.
If it's having a bad effect on your life, and I honestly can't see how it wouldn't, then you need to go get help.
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A
male
reader, chaz25 wales  +, writes (3 April 2011):
 we all go though day were we think we dont look to good but you need to start thinking that it dosnt matter what you look like. it's what's inside. in this world we are all the same so dont worry what people. you need to realize that there people out that are a lot worse off.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 April 2011):
My mother has. Doesn't matter what anyone says, she believes that she's stupid and ugly and everyone hates her. It's had a bad effect on my and my siblings.
My advice? Get yourself some psychological counselling, or people around you will be hurt knowing that they can't help in some way.
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